Izibini ezininzi ezinabantwana zibuphelisa ubudlelwane babo ngendlela engenabuhlobo kwaye babe ziintshaba zothando lwabantwana babo okanye lokutshabalalisa omnye. Okona kubi kuko konke kukuba bakhulisa isigqibo esibi kakhulu (kwiimeko ezininzi asinanto yakwenza nenyani) ngakumaqabane angaphambili ... abachaphazela ngqo abantwana. Oku kwenzeka ngesifo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali.
Isifo sokuzahlula kwabazali, igama eliqulunqwe ekuchongeni i-1980 ngugqirha wezifo zabantwana uGqirha Richard A. Gardner. Le ngcali yayiye yanika izimvo okokuqala ukuba esi sifo sibonakala xa umzali ezama ukujika abantwana bakhe bamchase omnye umzali. Umntu onomsindo kakhulu neqabane lakhe langaphambili uya kufuna ukwahlukanisa abantwana bakhe ngokunika umfanekiso ombi womnye umzali ebantwaneni, ngezimvo ezingathandekiyo, iimvakalelo zokuba netyala, izityholo zobuxoki, njl.
Bazama ukuba nabantwana babo ngalo lonke ixesha ngenjongo enye umzali angayiboniyo okanye ukuba kunye nabo. Ngokwesiqhelo xa utata okanye umama enolu hlobo lokuziphatha okunetyhefu kungenxa yokuba bahlala bengazinzanga ngokwasemphefumlweni okanye kuba benemali ethe kratya kwaye bekwazi ukujongana nemiceli mngeni yomthetho ngokuchasene neqabane langaphambili.
Babenza njani abazali isicelo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali
Inyani elusizi yeyokuba abazali batyhefa uthando nothando lwendalo oluvakala ngabantwana babo kubazali babo (bobabini), kwaye oku kubangela umonakalo omkhulu ngokweemvakalelo, ukuphathwa gadalala kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi kunzima kakhulu ukukulungisa. Abantwana banokulawulwa ngomnye umzali ukuba bamgatye omnye umzali ongafanelanga ukwaliwa okanye ukuphathwa ngendlela edelekileyo.
Emntwaneni, iimpembelelo ze-biopsychosocial yesifo sokuzahlula kwabazali kunokuba nzima. Kokubini umzali kunye nomntwana ohlukanisiweyo, ukususwa kunye nokuthintelwa koqhakamshelwano xa kungekho kuhoywa okanye ukuphathwa gadalala kubandakanya inkohlakalo engafanelekanga. Luhlobo lokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana ekufuneka lukhuselwe ngumthetho, kuba bubulungisa kwezentlalo ukuba abantwana bangazi kwaye bakhathalelwe ngabazali bobabini okoko nje bobabini benakho ngokupheleleyo ukwenza njalo.
Unjani umzali okhuphayo
Utata onesifo sokuhlukaniswa kwabazali uhlala ebonisa utyekelo lokuziphatha kakubi, okt bangabantu abazingcayo nabazithandayo. Basenokungakwazi ukumamela izimvo zabanye. Bakhetha ukugxila koko bakucingayo kwinto abayifunayo, abacinga ngayo, indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kunye Bakholelwa nokuba abanye abantu baziva njani, bafuna ntoni, okanye bafuna ntoni.
Ngokwesiqhelo umzali ohlukanisayo uyinkunkuma kwaye usebenzisa abantwana njengeembumbulu ukonzakalisa omnye umntu. Bangamaxhoba emfazwe yakhe kunye nenjongo eyodwa yokutshabalalisa yonke into anokuyenza komnye umzali, kuba 'wayenamandla' okumenza monakalo ngokweemvakalelo. Babanga ukuba bayabakhusela abantwana babo komnye umzali kuba 'kubi', kodwa enyanisweni ngabo ngokwabo ababangela umonakalo omkhulu ebantwaneni babo. Ngokusebenzisa abantwana ukwenzakalisa omnye umzali, sele ubonisa ukuba awunakukwazi ukubakhathalela abantwana bakho.
Ukongeza ekubeni yi-narcissistic, kukho enye into ephambili kubuntu bukatata okanye umama onesifo sokulungelelanisa kwabazali: umda wobuntu obunemida, ekwabizwa ngokuba kukungakhathali ngokweemvakalelo. Uvakalelo olunamandla kakhulu ludla ngokubonakaliswa njengomsindo. Abantu abanale ngxaki banobunzima obukhulu bokuzithoba. Kuba ke xa baziva bengalunganga, bedanile okanye benomsindo, iimvakalelo ezinzulu zihlala zihlala ixesha elide kunabanye abantu abazinzileyo ngokweemvakalelo.
Ngokuba nokusilela kokomelela ngokweemvakalelo bakuba bephazamisekile okanye bedanile, banokudlala indima yexhoba kwaye bagxeke abanye ngayo nayiphi na into engahambi kakuhle.
Ezi ntlobo zokuphazamiseka ziye zicace ngakumbi xa umzali ohlukanisayo evelisa inyani ngezityholo zobuxoki okanye izithuko. Umzekelo, banokuxelela abantwana babo izinto ezinje: 'Utata wakho uyazingca' xa umntu oqinisekileyo yena ngokwakhe ethetha ngale ndlela yomnye umzali. Unokuthetha izinto ezinje: 'Umama wakho uphambene', xa enyanisweni ngutata ngokwenene enezimilo ezinobungozi.
Olu hlobo lwabazali okanye umama ozamayo uzama ukufumana nokubeka abanye abantu ecaleni kwabo ukuba balwe naloo mntu 'ukhohlakele' (ngokoluvo lwabo) kwaye bazama ukwahlula usapho kumlo oqhubekayo 'wokulwa nam' okanye 'nathi ngokuchasene nabo'.
Abantu abaneempawu zolu hlobo bayacaphuka xa umntu engavumelani nabo okanye engabaniki into abayifunayo. Umzekelo, ukuba isibini sithatha isigqibo sokuwuphelisa umtshato ngaso nasiphi na isizathu, umntu owahlulayo. Awuyi kuba nakho ukuba nobudlelwane obusempilweni kunye nobokusebenzisana nangenxa yabantwana. Eyona njongo iya kuba nayo kukutshabalalisa ubudlelwane nokuba abantwana baphakathi. Bafuna ukwenza umonakalo omkhulu kangangoko kwaye uyazi ukuba ngabantwana bakhe angakwenza.
Abantwana bafuna abazali bobabini
Nokuba iimeko zithini na, abantwana bayabadinga bobabini abazali. Nangona kunjalo, abaxhamli kwaye enyanisweni bayonzakalisa xa abazali bethetha kakubi ngomnye umzali. Abantwana abafuneki babone umlo phakathi kwabazali babo, akukho mfuneko yokuba 'bathande umama okanye utata ngaphezulu', kuba bafuna nje ukuthanda abazali babo bobabini ngendlela efanayo, nokuba kufuneka babenobomi obahlukeneyo.
Abantwana akufuneki babe phakathi komsindo wabazali babo okanye embindini womzabalazo wabo wegunya. Akulunganga ukuba umzali angazihoyi iimfuno zabantwana ngenxa nje yokwenzakalisa omnye umzali.
Ukuba uhamba okomzuzwana apho i-ex yakho isenza ukwahlulwa ngabazali, kuyakufuneka ukuba ucinge ngenene malunga nokuba kuyenzeka ntoni kwaye ukuba kunjalo, kuya kufuneka uthethe negqwetha lakho ukubeka izandla kulo mbandela. . Endaweni yoko, Ukuba nguwe ozama ukubenza abantwana bakho bavukele ooyise okanye oonina, Kuya kufuneka ucinge kwakhona, abantwana bakho abafanelwe yile nto kwaye, ukuba wenzayo, baya kuba neengxaki ezimandla zexesha elizayo.