Uyicacisa njani ngokwanelisayo le duel?

"Kungekudala okanye kamva, abo bathintela yonke intlungu yokuziva bayawa, bahlala bekwimeko yoxinzelelo." (J. Bowlby)

Xa uphila, akunakuphepheka ukuba ufumane ilahleko, kuba akukho nto isisigxina, usizi yinkqubo ekhulayo xa uhlala ilahleko, (Ukusweleka komntu omthandayo, ukuqhekeka kobudlelwane, ukutshintsha kwelizwe, njlnjl.) Injongo kukufezekisa uhlengahlengiso lweemvakalelo nolwezengqondo ukuhlala nelahleko, I-etymology yayo yile: i-duellum okanye umlo kunye nentlungu yedolus.

Usizi oluyimpumelelo kuxa ulungelelwaniso olwanelisayo lwenziwe kwilahleko, kwelinye icala, usizi lwezifo kuxa le nkqubo ingasonjululwanga ngokwanelisayo. Uninzi lwaba bantu ludinga uncedo lweengcali, kuba inkqubo yokuphathwa kakubi yokusingathwa kakubi inokukhokelela kwiingxaki ezinje ngoxinzelelo.

Ababhali abaninzi bayavuma ukuba xa umntu eswelekelwe ngumntu omthandayo, ixesha lenkqubo yokulila ihlala ihlala phakathi kwe-1 kunye ne-3 iminyaka kwaye, unyaka wokuqala ngowona unzima.

Kuyaziwa ukuba inkqubo elusizi ephumeleleyo igqityiwe ngokuba ne ukubanakho ukukhumbula umntu osweleke ngaphandle kokuva iintlungu, ngaphandle kokuziva ubuhlungu, ukongeza ekubeni nakho ukuziqhelanisa nokuphila ngaphandle kwaloo mntu.

Ugqirha wengqondo u-Elizabeth Kubler Ross, kwincwadi yakhe ethi On Grief and Grief, uchaza amanqanaba amahlanu osizi:

I-1) Ukukhanyela: Yindlela yokhuselo equka isithintelo esisisebenzisayo ngokungabinako ukufumana ulwazi olunefuthe eliphezulu, Isinceda ukuba sibambelele kwaye sinciphise ukubandezeleka okubangelwa ziindaba ezingalindelekanga. Kwenzeka okwethutyana, njengendlela yokuhlehlisa nokuzilungiselela ukujongana nenyani.

2) Umsindo: Kweli nqanaba, ukukhanyela kujika kube ngumsindo, oqhele ukusisondeza kuthi, usapho lwethu, abahlobo bethu abasenyongweni, okanye umntu oswelekileyo, oko kuyayicaphukisa le nto, konke oku kubangela ukuziva unetyala kakhulu okunyusa umsindo ngakumbi kuthi.

Kweli nqanaba kukho imibuzo emininzi kunye nezinyeliso ezinje: kutheni kum? Umhlaba awunabulungisa kwaphela!

Kubalulekile ukuba umyeke umntu olungisa usizi aphile kwezi mvakalelo kwaye abonakalise umsindo wabo, ngaphandle kokuthatha buqu, kuba kufuneka sikuqonde oko yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yenkqubo yokulila.

3) Isivumelwano okanye uthethathethwano: Eli nqanaba lihlala lifutshane kakhulu. Kuyo, umntu osokolayo uzama ukufikelela kwizivumelwano kunye namandla athile aphezulu (anokuba nguThixo) ukucela ukuba umntu ongasekhoyo abuye, endaweni yawo naliphi na idini, ikwafuna ukufikelela kwizivumelwano zokuququzelela ukoyisa ilahleko. Eli nqanaba libonakala ngokuphupha ngokubuyela kwixesha elidlulileyo, xa umntu wayesaphila, kukho iingcinga ezininzi malunga nento eyayinokwenzeka ukuba umntu wayengafanga okanye ukuba ilahleko ibinokuphetshwa njani.

4) Uxinzelelo: Eli nqanaba libonakaliswa kukudakumba okuphezulu, inostalgia kunye ne-melancholy, umntu akasakwazi ukuqhubeka nokubamba ukukhanyela, uyaqonda ukuba ukufa sisiganeko sokwenyani. Nantsi ukuqhubeka nemisebenzi yemihla ngemihla yobomi kunzima kakhulu, ngamanye amaxesha bayayeka ukutya, iingxaki zokulala ziyavela, ukunqongophala kwamandla, njl. umntu uqala ukulungiselela ukwamkela ubunyani belahleko.

Kufuneka simyeke umntu adlule kweli nqanaba, avakalise indlela avakalelwa ngayo, ngaphandle kokuzama ukumkhuthaza, kuba Kuqhelekile ukuba abe lusizi, amxelele ukuba angabi yinto enobungozi.

5) Ukwamkelwa: Emva kokudlula kula manqanaba akhankanywe apha ngasentla, ilahleko icingelwa, ukuba umntu akazukubuya kwaye ukusukela ngalaa mzuzu ukuya phambili kuya kufuneka siqhubeke nokuphila ngaphandle kwabo. Kuyamkelwa ukuba ukufa yinto engenakuphepheka ebomini kwaye ayilo tyala lomntu. Okwangoku, nangona kukho ukudinwa ngokwasemphefumlweni, kunokwenzeka ukuba sibe nethemba lokuba izinto zizakulunga kwaye singaqhubeka nokuphila kwinyani entsha ngaphandle komfi. Abantu baqala ukugxila ngakumbi kwikamva endaweni yokuqhubeka nokuleqa izinto ezidlulileyo kwaye kulapha apho uxolo kunye noxolo banokufumana khona.

J. William Worden kwincwadi yakhe ethi "Grief Treatment" uthetha ngeenkqubo ezine okanye imisebenzi ekufuneka yenziwe kwinkqubo yokulila:

1.- Yamkela into eyiyo yelahleko: Nangona kunzima ukufunda ukwamkela inyani entsha, kufuneka sijongane nenyani yokuba asizukuphinda sikwazi ukudibana nomfi kwakhonaUkuphika kungangenelela kulo msebenzi, ke endaweni yokuzama ukukhanyela ilahleko, kufuneka kucingelwe. Okokuqala ilahleko ifakwa ngokuqonda kwaye emva koko ngokweemvakalelo, kulo msebenzi kuyacetyiswa ukuba ukhumbule kwaye uthethe ngomntu oswelekileyo.

2.Sebenza iimvakalelo kunye nentlungu yelahleko: Kweli nqanaba kubalulekile ukwamkela iimvakalelo eziveliswa yilahleko, endaweni yokuzama ukubaphepha, kuba ukubakhanyela kuya kuvelisa iintlungu ezingakumbi. Ezi mvakalelo kufuneka zisetyenzwe kwaye zivakaliswe, iintlungu kufuneka zive kwaye zicingelwe.

3. Lungelelanisa imeko apho umfi engekhoyo: Eli nqanaba libaluleke kakhulu, linqanaba lokuhlala kwenyani ebomini bethu, kule ndawo iindima kunye neendawo athe umntu oswelekileyo ebomini bethu zaneziphumo. kubuni bethu, ekufuneka siyakhe ngokutsha ngokwenyani yethu entsha (oku kubandakanya ukuthatha imisebenzi emitsha, uxanduva, iintshukumo kunye nendima). Yinkqubo enzima, kuba kufuneka siqonde ukuba ubomi bethu buya kutshintsha ngokuqinisekileyo kwaye nombono wethu wehlabathi uza kwahluka.

4.- Ukufudusa ongasekhoyo ngokweemvakalelo kwaye uqhubeke nokuphila: Asinakulibala umntu ongasekhoyo, kungabikho lula ukuphila ngaphandle kwawo, kodwa Kuya kufuneka silungiselele ukulahleka kwakhe ebomini bethu, simfumanele indawo efuziselayo apho sinokumbeka khona ngokwasemoyeni ukuze aqhubeke nokubona intsingiselo yobomi bethu, nangona iyakuba yenye intsingiselo eyahlukileyo. Ilahleko iya kuthatha imeko entsha kwaye inguqu inokufezekiswa kwinqanaba lomntu.

Siyazi ukuba xa sifumana ilahleko asizukuphinda sifane, kuyacaca ukuba sizakutshintsha, into ebalulekileyo kukwazi ukuba sizokwazi ukuhlala ngaphandle kwalowo ungasekhoyo kwaye siqhubeke nokukhangela iindlela zokuba noxolo sonwabe ngokuxabisa abantu abasenathi .hlala kwaye ngaphezulu kwako konke ukuzixabisa.