Kulutsha lwanamhlanje baninzi abantu abangafuni kubotshwa kukuzinikela kubudlelwane obukhethekileyo kwaye bakhetha ukuba nabahlobo abanamalungelo. Kodwa kuthetha ntoni xa umntu ekuxelela ukuba unomhlobo onamalungelo? Malunga nantoni amalungelo ingaba uyathetha kwaye ungenelela njani kubuhlobo abanabo? Ngaba ingadala iingxaki kwixesha elizayo? Olu hlobo lomhlobo lukwabizwa ngokuba ngumhlobo onezibonelelo.
Umhlobo onamalungelo
Ukuba nomhlobo onamalungelo kunokudida, ngakumbi ukuba ekuhambeni kwexesha kukho iimvakalelo komnye umntu ezibonakala ngathi zingaphaya kobuhlobo obulula. Oku kunokuba nzima ukusukela oko kuqala kwabanye, ngakumbi xa loo mhlobo ungamazi okanye umazi kakhulu.
Umhlobo onamalungelo kuthetha ukuba ubuhlobo buba yinxalenye esebenzayo yobomi bakho bobulili ngaphandle kokuba nibabini. Ngokwesiqhelo, umhlobo ngumntu omthembileyo kunye nobudlelwane obukhula ngamabali ekwabelwana ngawo, amava, iimeko, iimeko, ukungqinelana, okanye umdla omnye komnye. Xa ufuna isivumelwano sabahlobo kunye namalungelo nomntu kwangethuba, unyanzela ubudlelwane obutsha ngaphandle kohlengahlengiso lokwenyani, kunye nelebheli onokumela gwenxa ngalo naliphi na ixesha. Kuthatha ixesha elide ukuhlakulela ubuhlobo bokwenyani kwaye kuthatha ixesha kunye nokuzinikezela ukwazi ukuba ungabuhlakulela na ubuhlobo namalungelo nomnye umntu.
Amalungelo athetha ngesondo
Njengoko besesitshilo apha ngasentla, loo malungelo athetha isini. Kwenzeka ntoni xa usabelana ngesondo kuhlala kuhlala kunzima izinto, nokuba bobabini abantu bazama ukugcina unxibelelwano oluhle kunye nembeko ngalo lonke ixesha. Ukuze isivumelwano samalungelo-kunye namalungelo sisebenze ngokwenene, kufuneka ucace gca malunga nezinto ezimbalwa.
Kuya kufuneka unoluvo lokuba ngoobani abanye abantu abalele nabo ukuze bazi ngaphezulu kwako konke, ukuba akukho bungozi bokudluliselwa ngokwesondo kwaye ufune ukuba omnye umntu abe nokwabelana ngesondo okukhuselekileyo, ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na into kuba impilo yakho ixhomekeke kuyo. Kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba zeziphi iimvakalelo ezithi zikhutshwe ngomnye umntu kwinqanaba leemvakalelo nakwinqanaba lesini.
Ukugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo nabahlobo abanamalungelo, oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka unxibelelane nomnye umntu oko kulindelweyo kwaye wazi ukuba uphi na ngokwasemoyeni njengoko obu budlelwane bukhethekileyo bukhula. Kungale ndlela kuphela apho kunokungaqondani khona kwaye, ngaphezulu kwako konke, ukudideka okubonisa uthando kunokuthintelwa.
Nokuba uziva ukhululekile kwaye ukhuselekile, okanye kukho imiba, ukuba kukho indawo yokuncokola ngemicimbi yokugcina ubuhlobo, nokuba kungakho iindleko, uya kuba nonxibelelwano oluhle. Kukho utyalomali macala kwimpilo-ntle yomnye nomnye, kuba okokuqala ningabahlobo.
Iimvakalelo zihlala zikhula
Kodwa nokuba ubudlelwane buphawulwe njani, xa usabelana ngesondo nomntu osele umkhathalele ngokunzulu, iimvakalelo ziyakhula, njengoko kunjalo ukuthembana, ukusondelelana, unxibelelwano kunye nokwazana. Nokuba ufuna ntoni ukubiza olo nxibelelwano, isenokukhohlisa nobabini.
Kuya kufuneka uqiniseke ukuba usengabahlobo kwaye akukho nzima ukuba kugcinwe ileyibhile. Kuya kufuneka uqonde ukuba le meko ayisiyonto ingathandekiyo kuwe okanye komnye umntu, okanye ukuba umkile kubahlobo bobuhlobo ukuziva ulunge ngakumbi ngomnye umntu (kwaye kungenjalo).
Iingxaki zinokuvela ngokukhawuleza
Iingxaki zinokubonakala phantse zingabikho. Ukuba umntu ochitha ixesha lakho lokwabelana ngesondo ufuna ukuhlala ungumhlobo wamalungelo kuba eneneni uneemvakalelo ezinzulu ngawe kwaye ayazamkela ukuze angalahlekani nolo nxibelelwano nawe, kuya kwenzeka ntoni emva koko? Ungathini ukuba le ndlela yonxibelelwano ikukuphela kwento omele ufumane ukusondelelana nayo? Ungathini xa unethemba lokuba isini siya kukukhokelela kuthando kwaye ayenzeki? Ungacinga ntoni ukuba omnye umntu woyika ukubeka emngciphekweni ubuhlobo bakho okanye iimvakalelo azinakubuyelana? Impendulo kuyo yonke le mibuzo ilula: iingxaki ziya kuvela.
Xa nayiphi na kwezi zinto isenzeka, umhlobo onamalungelo akaselilo ilebhile echanekileyo kuba ayibonisi ngokwenzekayo. Ngenxa yokuba ulwalamano lubhalwe ngendlela engeyiyo, lunokukwenza uzive ungafanelekanga kwiimvakalelo onazo.
Ukuba uyayifihla into oziva ngayo awuzukunyaniseka kuwe kwaye uza kuqala uzive ungazithembi kwaye kwenzeka ntoni. Ukuba omnye umntu uhamba ngequbuliso kwaye unayo le ilebhile, kuya kufuneka wenze ngathi awukhathali kuba yinto enokwenzeka.
Ihlala ineendleko zeemvakalelo
Inokudideka ngandlela ithile xa uzama ukwenza ubuhlobo obusekwe kubudlelwane bezesondo apho kukho imigaqo ekufuneka iqulunqwe kubhabho ngokuxhomekeke kwiimeko zomntu ngamnye okanye into ofuna ukuyiphumeza ngolwalamano. Kwaye akukho mpilo ukunyanzela ubuhlobo ukuze kubekho isondo njengenzuzo kuba emva koko, akukho buhlobo apha. Ummandla unokungaqheleki kakhulu kwaye iimvakalelo zinokutshintsha ngeendlela ezininzi, ukuba ileyibheli yingxaki yokwenyani kulwalamano olwenzileyo ngokulalana.
Ngokwenyani ukuba nabahlobo abanamalungelo kunokwenzeka kuba kubhekisa kuphononongo ngokwesondo apho ubuhlobo buyavumelana. Kuyenzeka ukuba ubenobudlelwane bezesondo kuphela nomntu owathi kancinci kancinci waba ngumhlobo kuba ekuqaleni kwesondo, wawungamazi, yayikukutsala ngokwesondo kuphela.
Awufuni ubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo
Ngokwesiqhelo ukuba nomhlobo onamalungelo yindlela yokufuna ukunxibelelana kunye nokusondelelana nomnye umntu kunye nokukhathalela ukuthembana kodwa ngaphandle kokukulungela ukuba nobudlelwane obuzinikeleyo njengesibini esitshatileyo. Xa kufikwa kweli nqanaba, abantu bahlala befuna ukufumanisa ngeemvakalelo kunye neemeko kubhabho, baziva bekhululekile kwaye bengalawuleki kangako.
Ngaba uya kuba nakho ukuba nomhlobo onamalungelo okanye ukhetha ukwahlula ubuhlobo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo?