Imithetho esixhenxe esisiseko kunxibelelwano olusebenzayo

"Inkolelo yokuba umbono wobunyani bobona bunyani yeyona nto iyingozi ekukhohliseni." UPaul Watzlawick

1. Khetha ixesha elifanelekileyo. Ukuba uqaphela ukuba okusingqongileyo kuxinene okanye ungacaphuka msinya, kungcono ulinde ithutyana. Ukuba ucaphuka ngokukhethekileyo, kuyacetyiswa ukuba usebenzise ubuchule bokucinga okanye bokucinga. Kuya kufuneka uvavanye ubukho beemvakalelo zomnye umntu. Indlela elungileyo yokuvavanya amanzi kunye nokuvula incoko kukubuza: Singathetha? ”. Ukuba umntu uthi hayi, sukunyanzelisa, buza kwakhona kamva okanye ulinde ukuba beze kuwe.

2. Kubalulekile ukuhlonipha ubunyani yenye kwaye uyiqinisekise. Ukuqinisekisa akuthethi ukuvuma. Kuthetha ukwamkela nokunyamezelana nokuba omnye umntu unamava nemibono eyahlukileyo kunawe. Ukunciphisa, ukungahoyi, ukukhanyela, okanye ukugweba iimvakalelo zomnye, iimvakalelo kunye neengcinga ziindlela zokungasebenzi. Ayinamsebenzi nokuba ibonakala iyabaxwa okanye ayinangqiqo kuwe okanye nakuphi na ukugxekwa okwenzeka kuwe. Okona kubalulekileyo kukuba komnye umntu kuyinyani.

3. Ukuba uza kukhalaza ngento ethile, bhekisa kwindlela ethile yokuziphatha, hayi kubuntu bonke bomnye. Chazela loo mntu ukuba indlela yokuziphatha kwakhe ibe nefuthe elibi ngayo kuwe. Umzekelo, endaweni yokuthi "uyazicingela", hlaziya ngendlela ebonakalayo kwaye uchaze indlela oziphethe ngayo: "ukuba ulibale ukundibuza ukuba luye njani usuku lwam lokuqala lomsebenzi kwaye ngaphezulu kwako konke awuzange ukhathazeke ngokundigcinela kancinci ukutya, kundenza ndizive ndibuhlungu kwaye ndinomsindo ”. Xa ugxile ekugxekeni kwakho, ayinyamezeleki kwaphela into yokuba omnye amamele (kuba awuhlaseli umntu wabo uphela), kodwa kulula nokutshintsha.

4. Kulumkele “Uhlala…” okanye “Awusoze…”. Xa siziva singaqondwa, kuncinci kuthathelwa ingqalelo okanye sicinga ukuba imeko ayinabulungisa, sihlala sisebenzisa olu hlobo lokugxeka ngokusekwe kwi-dichotomy "konke okanye akukho nto", njengendlela enomdla wokutsala umdla wenye. Nangona kunjalo, ayivelisi kuba "ihlala" kwaye "ingaze" ivuse isimo sengqondo sokuzikhusela kwenye kwaye endaweni yokudala unxibelelwano, iyayichitha enye.

5. Zama ukwenza imiyalezo yakho ngokuqala ngo "Ndiziva" endaweni yokuba "Nguwe." Umzekelo, endaweni yokuthi "Ungumntu ombi," khetha "Ndiziva ndibuhlungu xa usenza le nto." Ngokubanzi, abantu bakufumanisa kunzima ukusebenzisa eli cebiso kuba oko kuthetha ukuba bazibonakalisa bengakhuselekanga komnye kwaye abaninzi bayayoyika loo nto. Nangona kunjalo, njengakwinqaku lesi-4, olu hlobo lwamagqabantshintshi, endaweni yokuququzelela ingxoxo kunye nokudala ukusondelana, luyahlukanisa.

6. Sukuya njengomvumisi. Sukwenza ngathi uyazi into efunwa ngomnye umntu. Olu luhlobo lokugqithisa. Njani ukuba ubuze ngcono? 🙂

7. Zama ukunqanda ukungqubana kwemvelo apho inye kuphela ilungile kwaye enye inetyala, enye ilungile kwaye enye imbi. Khumbula ukuba kungquzulwano kuhlala kukho abantu ababini ababandakanyekayo kwaye izinto ezihambelana nolwalamano azilawulwa ngumthetho "wesizathu", kodwa endaweni yoko impendulo nganye nganye ibuya ngendlela ejikelezayo.

Ewe! Ndiyathemba ukuba ikukhonze. Ukuba unayo nayiphi na imibuzo okanye ufuna ukwabelana ngombono wakho okanye ibali, ungenza njalo ngezantsi.Ukuba izimvo zakho aziveli kwangoko, ungakhathazeki, ngamanye amaxesha kuthatha iiyure ezimbalwa ukuba zamkelwe.

yi UJasmine murga

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