Kweli nqaku siza kuchaza into onokuyenza ukunqanda ukuba lusizi okanye ukudakumba. Into ebaluleke kakhulu kukuba kufuneka uphume kwindawo yakho yokuthuthuzela kwaye usebenzise iingcebiso ezili-10 esiza kukunika kweli nqaku.
1) Yiba nomdla
Ukufezekisa iinjongo zakho kuqala kwisiseko sokuqwalaselwa ebomini, kwizinto ezenzekayo nakumntu wakho. Oku kuthetha ukuhlela kunye qeqesha imeko yengqondo yokufuna ukwazi, yokukhangela ngokusisigxina, yokufuna ukuncoma kunye nokuqonda izinto ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe sithi. Emva koko kuza kuza "ukwazi", okuthetha ukuqonda isidingo sokwandisa, ukufuna kunye nokuseka izikhokelo ezikuvumela ukuba uqonde kwaye udibanise iimvakalelo zakho, iingcinga, iimfuno kunye namava.
Ekugqibeleni, “ukuvuka” kuyakuthetha ukuhlala umzuzu ngamnye usazi ukuba ungubani na, yintoni oyifunayo okanye ongathanda ukuyiphumeza ukufikelela kwinqanaba elibalulekileyo, emva kokumisela, ngokucacileyo kangangoko, isikali samaxabiso esikuvumela ukuba yazi into yakho yangaphakathi kwaye uyiqonde kwaye uyihloniphe eyabanye.
Njengoko u-Anthony de Mello esitsho kwincwadi yakhe Ukuzikhupha ngaphakathi, "Ukuvuka kuthetha ukufikelela kwimeko apho nguwe otshintshe ukungena kwinyani kwaye ngoku ubona yonke into icacile."
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2) Fumana eyona nto uyifunayo.
Sithetha ngeminqweno yokwenene, leyo sizimisele ukuyilwela kwaye sibeka amandla amaninzi ukuyiphumeza. Into eyahluke mpela kuluhlu lweminqweno yothando esiphantse sayenza njengesibini. Ukuphupha kuyamangalisa kwaye kuyimfuneko, kodwa xa siza kunikezela ngomzamo kunye namandla ukufezekisa into esiyifunayo ngokwenene, kufanelekile ukuba sime umzuzwana ngaphambili kwaye sicace malunga nokuzama kwethu ukukufeza. Ngcono ngoku, siza kuphumelela ntoni.
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3) Zibuze ukuba uza kuziva njani ukuba unayo.
Ndiyavuma; ufuna leyo inegama nefani. Ngokwenyani uyayifuna ngenene? Ukufumanisa, kuya kufuneka ungene ngaphakathi.
Into elungileyo malunga nayo yonke le nto ukuba ucacile ngayo, kukuba, enyanisweni, ayinamsebenzi nokuba kunzima kangakanani injongo yakho. UViktor Frankl kwincwadi yakhe "Ukufuna Komntu Ngentsingiselo", isikhumbuza ngokubaluleka kwentando yethu. Ngale ndlela, xa uthatha isigqibo sokulwela into ethile, kuya kufuneka uyazi ukuba eyona nto isengqiqweni kukuba uyayifumana. Ke Kulungile ukuba ucace gca malunga nokuza kwenzeka nokuba uza kuziva njani xa ukufezekisile.
Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kuzo zonke ezi mpikiswano lulonwabo. Ngaba ukhe wakucinga ngokufikelela usukelo olunokukunceda wonwabe ngokwenene?
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4) Xabisa iziphumo eziya kuba nazo kwabanye.
Kuya kufuneka ungakhathali malunga nomona kunye nento abaya kuyithetha, kodwa kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo ukuba abanye bazakuziva benzakaliswa yimpumelelo yakho. Imalunga nokufumana ngaphezulu, kodwa hayi ngeendleko zabanye. Inkululeko yethu iphelela apho kuqala khona ummelwane wethu. Kwakhona, kukho abantu abaninzi kakhulu ecaleni kwethu ...
Ukuba unayo umzuzu, zama kodwa rhoqo ngentliziyo yakho, bancumele. Into elungileyo ngezona zinto zibaluleke kakhulu (njengale) kukuba kokukhona unika, kokukhona unakho. Isivumelwano sokwenyani! Ndiyincoma kuwe.
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5) Yenza indlela efanelekileyo
Ngokwenyani le yinxalenye elula, ubuncinci kwiinjineli, abantu abathanda iindlela kunye neeresiphi. Zininzi iindlela zokukunceda ufezekise iinjongo zakho. Ngenxa yokulula kunye nokunyanzela, mhlawumbi eyona icetyiswayo yeyona KHULA, amagama abo abhekisa kumanyathelo amane enkqubo esekwe kuyo: injongo (injongo okanye injongo); inyaniso (inyani yangoku apho ikhoyo, lihlabathi esihamba kulo ngoku); iinketho (Hlalutya iindlela ezahlukeneyo esinikwe zona ukufezekisa injongo esiyifunayo), kunye Ukusongelwa okanye ukuthanda (isiphelo kunye namandla). Apha kweli nqanaba lokugqibela kulapho icebo lokwenziwa lokufezekisa injongo lichazwa, lichaza indlela yokwenza into ukoyisa imiqobo eya kuthi ivele ngendlela apha endleleni.
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6) Chonga into onokuyichasa
Ininzi yokwenza kunye ne-R yendlela ye-GROW.
Ngendlela efanayo ukuba kulungile ukucinga ngabanye ukuba ubahloniphe, kubalulekile ngokulinganayo ukuba ucingele abanye singazivumeli sixhatshazwe okanye sinyathelelwe ngamalungelo ethu. Ndithetha ngamalungelo ethu okuqinisekisa.
Imbonakalo emibini emifutshane ngalo mbandela: inye, ngamanye amaxesha olona tshaba lwethu kunye nokusikelwa umda sithi, siziphika ilungelo lokufezekisa oko sikufunayo, kwaye ezimbini, ngamanye amaxesha intshaba ayingabo abanye, kodwa ngumfanekiso wethu wabanye, esishukumisela ukuba sizithelekelele zibi okanye zisoyikisa ngakumbi kunokuba zinjalo. Le nkolelo iphosakeleyo iyakusikhawulela kwaye ithathe amandla kude nenjongo yethu. Ukuba unaso isuntswana, nika i- Iinkolelo ezingalunganga Oko kwenza uGqirha Albert Ellis waduma (kwaye kufanelekile).
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7) Ukugxila kugxilwe kwizenzo
Gxila kwinto ekufuneka uyenzile, isebenze, fikelela kwinqanaba kwaye uphephe ukujika, ukuchitha ixesha kunye namandla. Zinto zini zonke ngexesha elinye!
Ngokwenyani umyalezo ulula njengoko unyanzelekile: ukuba unxiba, unxiba. Ususa iziphazamiso, uyeke ububhanxa. Ukuba ufuna ndikuxelele izinto ezithile ngayo, ndingakunika imikhondo:
Gxila kwinto ekufuneka uyenzile. Kukho izixhobo eziza kukunceda, ezinje ngezangqa zenkxalabo kunye nefuthe okanye isenzo sokuqonda sokujonga kwiziqhamo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukwazi ukuba ungasenza njani lula, esisixhobo sokwenyani, esiqulathe ukubeka phambili izinto kunye nokwenza imikhwa emitsha okanye ukwamkela iindlela zokwenza lula.
* Gxila kwisenzo. Ukukunceda ukwamkela lo mkhwa, unokuba neendlela ezahlukeneyo zokuzilolonga, ezinje ngento yokugxila kulo msebenzi (ugxile) okanye ubuchule bokususa indawo.
Lungelelanisa ixesha lakho. Ukuze ndingakwandisi, ndiza kuchaza kuphela izinto ezimbalwa malunga noku. Okokuqala kukunceda xa usenza uhlobo oluthile lomthambo kulwabiwo lokwenene lwexesha onalo. Okwesibini kukwazisa ngexesha esiphulukana nalo ngokuzibekela amangomso kwaye singalungisi ngalo ngelo xesha. Yindlela ekunokwenzeka ngayo ukuba ikuthintele oko kuvakala kubi kakhulu kwaye ngoku babiza ukuzilazila, eligama lesiSpanish eliza kwiDikshinari yeRoyal Academy kwaye lithetha ukuhlehlisa okanye ukubekela elinye ixesha.
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8) Zithembe kunye namandla akho
Emva kwenxalenye yeendlela, kubalulekile ukubuyela kweyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu: wena.
Sithethile ngokufezekisa iinjongo esivumela ukuba sonwabe. Ekugqibeleni yonke into imalunga nento enye, malunga nokulwa ukonwaba yonke imihla nakwisenzo ngasinye sobomi bethu.
Isiseko ekufuneka sigcine ukonwaba kwethu njengabantu siqala ngokuzikholelwa. Ukuze ukholelwe kuwe kufuneka iimfuno ezintathu: ukuzazi, ukuzamkela nokwazi ukuzithemba.
Ezi zimbini zokuqala zifuna ukujongana nomsebenzi wohlalutyo, ukubonakalisa, ukujonga kunye nokukhula. Zombini zizinto ezimbini eziphambili zobukrelekrele bemvakalelo. Kodwa kuthekani ngokuzithemba? Nangona abanye bengakholelwa, ukuthanda akukho lula. Ukuzithanda akukhupheli ngaphandle ukuthanda abanye. Ndiyayiqonda kwaye ndiyayamkela into yokuba kufuneka umthande ummelwane wakho njengawe siqu, kodwa ngaba uyazithanda? uyazikhathalela? Ukunyaniseka, nokuba ndingakwazi buqu, ndicinga ukuba kufanele uzithande kwaye uzikhathalele. Isizathu, ukuba uyayifuna, silula: unayo kwisilogeni sentengiso esisiva mihla le: "Kuba uyakufanelekela kwaye uyazi."
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9) Makungabikho nto ikudimazayo
Xa unxiba, unxiba, kwaye akukho nto ngaphandle kwakho iya kuba nakho ukunqanda. Ndikucebisa ukuba ungatyhafi kwiinzame zakho zokuba ngcono kwaye ukonwaba, kuba kufanelekile kwaye uyazi.
Ndikuxelela amava am. Ngaphezulu kweminyaka engamashumi amabini eyadlulayo ndathatha umsebenzi omkhulu. Ndazibona ndixabiseke kakhulu (bendikufanele oko!). Into embi kukuba kungekudala emva kokujoyina ndiye ndaziqonda iintsilelo zam, ezazingaphezulu kunokuba ndandizazi, ngakumbi xa ndisazi ixabiso elingaqhelekanga loogxa bam. Ndandidandathekile kakhulu kwaye imeko yoxinzelelo yabangela isivumelwano sentambo esibi entanyeni yam.
Unyango lwam yayiyimantra endisoloko ndiyiphinda: "Abayi kuba nako kum". Ke ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndilwe kwaye ndibeke usukelo lokuphucula uninzi lwezakhono zam ukuze ndikwazi ukukhuphisana kwaye ndisebenze ngokufanelekileyo ngaphandle kwabo ngokuzihlaza.
Mhlawumbi khange ndikwazi ukucacisa ukuba ekuphumeni kwam bekukho ukunconywa kuphela kwabo ndisebenza nabo. Ukunconywa ngokunyanisekileyo, ukongeza kuninzi lokudana kunye nomsindo ngenxa yokungakwazi kwam, kodwa andifuni ukurhoxa kukuziva ndingenakuzinceda. Isitshixo yayingekokuyeka kwaye ungazonakalisi, kodwa ukuchonga ngokucacileyo injongo kwaye uyenze ngaphandle kokusilela.
Kum yayisisandla seNgcwele, kwaye namhlanje, iminyaka kunye neenkampani kamva, ndisenobudlelwane obuhle kakhulu kubuchwephesha kuninzi lwabo. Ndiyathemba ukuba into evela kumava am inokusetyenziswa nakuwe.
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10) Soloko unesicwangciso B
Kwimeko apho izinto ziba mbi okanye kukho into ehamba gwenxa. Ukuba ucacile ngayo kwaye ubeke ingqondo yakho kuyo, uya kuyiphumeza injongo yakho. Njengoko uRichard Bach esitsho Ibhulorho iye engapheliyo:
"Ungafezekisa nayiphi na injongo ozibekele yona, kodwa, ewe, kuya kufuneka uhlawule ixabiso kuba phantse akukho nto isimahla."
Kule meko, ndinemibono emibini: inye, ukuba unakho, kwaye isibini, ukuba ukuba ibiyinto engenakulindeleka kwaye ngelishwa ukuba izinto zijike ngokuchasene nawe, zenze esinye isicwangciso esilungisiweyo.
Kwimeko enjalo, ingcebiso yam yokuqala iya kuba kukuyifunda kwaye uyililele (le duel, uyazi), unganikezeli kwaye emva kokomisa iinyembezi zakho, shiya uncumo ukuze, xa usiva ubunzima bakho, abahlobo bakho bonwabe Isimo kunye neentshaba zakho ziya kucaphuka kuba, uyazi, inyani kukuba ungafezekisa yonke into obeka kuyo ingqondo yakho. Yiya ke!