Ukubaluleka kokufunda ukuseta imida kubudlelwane bethu

Ngaba uhlala uzifumana ubanjwa kwincoko nabantu abangenayo, uzobe ungaphumeleli kwimizamo yokubaleka? Ngaba uhlala uziva usetyenzisiwe, ungaxatyiswanga okanye unikela ngaphezu kokufumana? Ngaba kuyabiza okanye uhlala uziva ungakhululekanga ukuthi hayi? Ngaba ngamanye amaxesha ukhe uphele ngumsindo?

Ukwazi ukuba imida yethu ikude kangakanani ("imida" ngesiNgesi) kubalulekile ukugcina ubudlelwane obuphilileyo kunye nokuziva ulungile ngathi. Kubantu abaninzi nangona kunjalo, le ngcamango intsha.

Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba unobunzima bokuthi "hayi" kwabanye abantu, ukuba uhlala usenza ngokweemvakalelo zokuziva unetyala okanye uhlala ufumene oko kunyanzelekile, uzama ukukholisa abanye nokuba oko kukulungele, okanye ukuba ufumanisa ukuba awuvakalisi zimvo zakho xa umntu othile okanye imeko ethile ikwenza ungakhululeki, kubalulekile ukuba uqale ufunde ukuyibona imida yakho kwaye uyivakalise. Uninzi lwabantu luyothuka kuba luhlala lutsala abantu abanengxaki, kodwa mhlawumbi lixesha lokuba sibone isabelo sethu kulo. Xa sifunda ukuhlonipha iimfuno zethu kunye nemida, sizenzela imvakalelo yolawulo olukhulu kunye nokhuseleko. Amaxesha amaninzi ukuba nobubele okanye isisa ngokugqithileyo kunokubangela umsindo okanye inzondo emva kwento, kuba xa sisoloko sijongana neemfuno zomnye umntu ngaphambi kwezethu, sinokugqibela ngokuziva sisetyenzisiwe. Yiyo loo nto kubalulekile ukudala ulungelelwaniso phakathi kokwazi ukuzikhusela, kwangaxeshanye ube novelwano kwaye uhloniphe abanye. Oku kunokufezekiswa ngokuzazi, ukusebenzisa ulwimi olungathethiyo, nokusetyenziswa kakuhle kwamagama. Nazi ezinye zeengcebiso zokufunda ukuchonga ngcono imida yethu kunye nokuzithemba ngakumbi kubudlelwane bethu:

1. Chonga imida kunye noloyiko lwakho. Ukuziqhelanisa okanye ukuhlakulela ulwazi lwakho linyathelo lokuqala lokwenza umahluko. Zama ukuchonga kwisikali se-1 ukuya kwi-10, iqondo lokungonwabi, ukuba nochuku okanye umsindo oveliswa ziimeko ezahlukeneyo.

Emva koko zibuze Yintoni ebangela le mvakalelo kum? Yintoni endikhathazayo kule ndibaniselwano?

Zama ukufumanisa indlela othetha ngayo xa uvela kwezi meko. Olunye uloyiko oluqhelekileyo oluvela kwimeko yemida zibandakanya uloyiko lokungabi ngumntu olunge ngokwaneleyo, uloyiko lokudanisa abanye, uloyiko lokwaliwa, uloyiko lokushiywa wedwa, njl. Bahlala benoloyiko oluqale ebuntwaneni.

Ukuzithemba ngakumbi, kubalulekile ukuba idityaniswe nento eyenzeka ngaphakathi kuthi kuba abanye abazi nokuba bafuna ntoni!

2. Kungcono unganikezeli okanye uvule ngokupheleleyo xa udibana nomntu, kodwa kunokuba ukwenze ngokuthe ngcembe. Oku kuya kukunika umda wokurhoxa ngobunono kwimeko enokuthi ungakhululeki kuyo. Ukuba uvule kakhulu kwaye ushushu ekuqaleni, kwaye ngequbuliso utshintshe ingqondo yakho kwaye uthathe indawo ekude kunye nepholileyo, omnye umntu kunokwenzeka ukuba akhubeke.

3. Xa ufuna ukubaleka emntwini othanda ukugqobhoza - kuba bayakrwada, bayanyanzelisa, okanye bakunika nje iimvakalelo ezimbi- cinga ukuba ungaphakathi kwebhabhu ekhuselayo kwaye uphefumla ngokunzulu nangokuzola. Ungashenxisa ngobuqhetseba ngokuma kwakho (ujika kancinane ecaleni), usebenzisa ithoni yezwi engathathi cala ngakumbi kunye nokunciphisa ukuphindaphindeka kunye nokuqina ojonga kuye umntu. Xa umntu ebonakala eneenjongo ezintle kwaye ungafuni ukubenzakalisa iimvakalelo zabo, zama ukukwenza ngobuchule. Ngokubanzi, umntu uya kuqaphela, kodwa mhlawumbi engazi, kuba umyalezo uzakugqithiselwa ngaphandle kwamazwi. kunjalo, Ukuba umntu ophambi kwakho ubonakala engaboni, sukuchitha ixesha elininzi kwaye uthethe ngomlomo Ukuthi umzekelo: "Uxolo, kufuneka ndihambe", "Uxolo, ndifuna ukuqinisekiswa", okanye "Uxolo, ndize kuchitha ixesha kunye nomhlobo." Kulumkele ukuba ndlongondlongo kuba oko kuya kukwenza ucaphuke (kwaye ayikokuchitha amandla ethu) kwaye kunokuba yingozi xa singazi ukuba ngubani ophambi kwethu. Mhlawumbi uyi-psychopath, ngubani owaziyo?

4. Zama ukukhetha xa usabelana ngemiba yobuqu, nditsho nabahlobo okanye nosapho. Cinga malunga nokuba ufuna ngokwenene ukwabelana ngale nto okanye loo nto naloo mntu. Sukwenza ukuba ujonge okuhle nomnye kuba emva koko kuyakushiya ungathandeki kwaye uya kuzisola. Kananjalo sukuziva ngathi kuya kufuneka uphendule yonke imibuzo abakubuza yona. Ayisiyo yonke imibuzo efanele impendulo! Ukuba umbuzo ubonakala ufudukile, ngaphandle komxholo okanye awuziva ukhululekile ukuwuphendula, ungawubuyisa umbuzo ngokuthi: Kutheni ubuza? Okanye vele uthi "Ndingathanda ukuba sithethe ngenye into ngoku." Ukuba awukwazi ukuyenza, zibuze ukuba yeyiphi na imiphumo emibi ocinga ukuba inokuvela ekuvakaliseni iimvakalelo zakho. Yintoni ekuvimba?

5. Funda ukubonisa into oyifunayo ngendlela yokuzithemba neyakhayo ngaxeshanye. Musa ukulinda ukuba ufike empumlweni yakho ukuqhuma kwaye uthumele wonke umntu esihogweni. Kukho iintsapho apho ukubonakaliswa kwemida kunganyamezelwa. Ihlala njengento eyicaphukisayo kwanokwaliwa. Ke ngamanye amaxesha into efundiweyo kukuba ubambe, ubambe, ubambe-ucinezela iimfuno-de kufike ixesha apho umntu angazukuyithatha kwaye aphele eqhuma. Oku kuyingozi hayi kuphela kubantu ekubhekiswa kubo ingqumbo, kodwa kunye nakomntu ozifumanayo. Ke ngoko Kubaluleke kakhulu ukufunda ukufumana iimpawu zokuqala zokungahambi kakuhle kwaye uthi umzekelo "Ndifuna ukuba ndedwa ngoku". Ukuba umntu uyaqhubeka nokukuleqa kwaye akuhlasele ngokukugxeka kunye nokukungcikiva, engazinanzi iimfuno zakho kunye nemida, shiya indlu okanye apho ukhoyo.

6. Nciphisa iifowuni ezidinisayo okanye ocinga ukuba yinkcitha xesha kuwe. Ungathi "Ndinomzuzu kuphela." Kwaye emva komzuzu: “Uxolo, kufuneka ndihambile. Ngethamsanqa! ". Xa umntu ekutsalela umnxeba rhoqo ukuba ukhalaze kodwa engabonakali ekulungele ukwenza nantoni na ukutshintsha imeko, engabonakali ngathi uyikhathalele into oyithethayo okanye uyeke ukuthetha okanye uqhuba njani, ungaphendula uthi, “Uxolo Unobunzima. Ndingathanda ukwazi ukuba ulindele ntoni kum. Ufuna ndikucebise ndikuxelele ukuba ndiyibona njani ingxaki? » Ukuba umntu uthi hayi, phendula: "Ke ndiyoyika andinakukunceda, ndiyaxolisa." Musa ukungena kwiinguqu ezingasebenziyo zolu hlobo kuba aziloncedo kuwe okanye kumntu ofuna ukukuthatha kunye naye ekuhambeni kwakhe.

 

7. Okokugqibela, gcinani engqondweni ukuba kukho iyantlukwano ecacileyo yenkcubeko ngendlela yokusondela komnye umntu, ngolwimi olungathethiyo, kunye nokusetyenziswa kwebala kunye nendawo yobuqu (umgama ngokwasemzimbeni). Ukuthetha ngokuthe ngqo nangokuphandle ngale yantlukwano, endaweni yokugweba nokuthelekelela izinto, kunokuveza ukungavisisani.

Ekugqibeleni, Ukufunda ukuzikhathalela nokuzikhusela kuya kusivumela unamandla ngokwaneleyo, ukuzola kunye noxolo lwangaphakathi ukuze ukwazi zifumaneke ngakumbi kwabanye.

 Njengaso nasiphi na isakhono esitsha, Nxibelelana ngemida yethu ngokuzithemba kuthatha uqeqesho. Kuyacetyiswa ukuba uqale ngokuseta imida encinci kwaye ngokuthe chu ukonyusa ubunzima bemiceli mngeni. Sukuqala ngento enisindayo kakhulu ngaphambi kwexesha. Yakha kwimpumelelo encinci.

yi UJasmine murga

Umthombo:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/0007498

http://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/articles/intimacy/boundaries/