Dukanmu, a cikin karami ko mafi girma, mun kasance waɗanda ke fama da zalunci na ƙauna, na jin yadda aka ba da dukanmu ga mutumin da ya yi biris da irin wannan kyautar. A yau za mu ga bangarori biyu na tsabar kuɗi ɗaya. Za mu sanya kanmu a cikin yanayin ma'aurata waɗanda ɗayansu ba ya ƙaunataccen ƙauna kuma ɗayan yana ba da komai.
Amma kafin hakan, Ina gayyatarku ga wata gajeriyar gajeriyar ma'ana wacce ke nuna abin da ƙauna da rashin kauna suka ƙunsa. ishara ce mara ma'ana wacce ko ƙaramin yaro zai iya fahimta.
Wannan bidiyo ya kamata a saka a duk makarantu don zama ɓangare na batun, wanda ya zama tilas, ake kira "Ilimin motsin rai":
KANA DA SHA'AWA A «nasihu 8 don fita daga kunci don soyayya»
Shin kun taɓa zama wanda aka azabtar a rayuwar ku na soyayya mara misaltuwa?
Na sha wahala sau 2. Su biyun abokan karatunmu ne na kwaleji kuma suna ƙaunata… a matsayin aboki. Shin akwai wani abin da ya fi wulakanta mutum kamar matar da kuke soyayya gaba daya da ita har ta gaya muku cewa ina son ku amma a matsayin aboki?!?!?!
Koyaya, a cikin wannan labarin zan mai da hankali ne akan wata soyayya wacce bata dace ba: wacce ke faruwa tsakanin ma'aurata.
La'akari da waɗannan nau'ikan alaƙa guda biyu
1) Abokin zamanka yana tare da kai amma ba ya ƙaunarku.
2) Abokin zamanka yana ƙaunarka gaba ɗaya, amma kai ma ba ka ƙaunarta.
Bari in fada muku wani abu. Alberto, wanda aka sake shi, yana da shekaru 45. Yayi aure shekara 12 amma a karshe Ya ƙare ya bar matarsa (Maria) duk da cewa yana son ta kuma naji dadin kasancewarsu. Duk da haka, ba ya ƙaunarta sosai.
Bayan rabuwarsu, yana da alaƙa da wasu mata amma a ƙarshe ya yanke shawarar komawa tare da Maria.
"Wannan ita ce matar da nake so in zauna tare da ita"yace wata rana. Na tuna masa da abin da ya gaya mani ɗan lokaci da ya wuce, cewa ba ya ƙaunarta har ya kasance tare da ita. Ga abin da ya amsa, "Ee, amma tana ƙaunata kamar babu wanda ya taɓa ƙaunata, kuma wannan shi ne abin da ke da muhimmanci a gare ni." Hasali ma, ya yi wa matarsa tambaya: "Me ya sa kuke son kasancewa tare da ni, saboda nasan ba ni son ku kamar yadda kuke so na?" Ta amsa da cewa ta fi son kasancewa tare da mutumin da take ƙaunarta sosai ba ta wata hanyar ba. Ta fifita matsayinta akan nasa.
Wani zaɓi za ku zaɓa?
La'akari da waɗannan zaɓuɓɓukan, wanne za ku zaɓa? Alberto's ko María? Na yi imanin cewa za a raba amsoshin.
Yayin da ake magana game da soyayya mara gaskiya, mutane galibi suna magana ne game da abubuwan da suka faru masu zafi wanda duk mun sani. Koyaya, waɗannan sharuɗɗan ba su da yawa fiye da waɗanda a cikinsu akwai ƙarin nuances: lokacin da mutane biyu suke son juna, amma nau'in da tsananin kauna ya banbanta.
Kamar yadda yake a cikin misalinmu, yayin da take soyayya da shi, Alberto ba ya ƙaunarta da yawa haka. Akwai mahimmin ƙarfin soyayya a ƙasa wanda bai cancanci kasancewa tare ba, amma jin da yake yana sama da wannan.
Yi hankali da bambance-bambance a cikin tsananin soyayya yana iya zama mai raɗaɗi saboda yana nuna cewa ɗayan abokan haɗin ma'aurata ba su da ƙaunata kuma yana nuna wani nau'in ƙi.
Rashin fa'ida cikin yanayin Alberto yana nuni zuwa daina mahimmin mafarkin ɗan adam: kasancewa mahaukaci cikin soyayya da wani. Koyaya, yanayinta akasin haka ne: tana soyayya amma tana da rauni da rashin tsaro a cikin dangantakarta da Alberto.
Alberto yana da iko sosai game da halin da ake ciki, zai iya ci gaba da wannan dangantakar a duk lokacin da ya ga dama, saboda soyayyar matar tasa ta kusan tabbata. Alberto ya daidaita abubuwan da yake yi a yanzu, don tabbatar da makomar sa. Ta ba shi ikon kula da makomarsa don jin daɗin zurfin soyayya a halin yanzu.
Waɗanda suka fi son matsayin ta suna da kwarin gwiwa game da ikon su na canza halayen abokin zama a gare su. Wannan kyakkyawan fata yana da alaƙa da cikakkiyar yarda cewa duniya kanta abin sarrafawa ce, kuma ikon ku na sarrafa abubuwan da ke kewaye da shi na kwarai ne.
Hankalin Alberto ya fi na Maria nutsuwa. Kodayake baya gamsuwa lokaci zuwa lokaci tare da cewa baya fuskantar soyayyar gaskiya, yana son soyayyar matarsa kuma ana tabbatar da makomarsa. Yanayinta na hankali ba shi da karko kamar yadda ya ƙunshi mahimmancin motsin rai mai kyau (kamar soyayya) da motsin rai mara kyau (kamar tsoro da takaici). Damuwa da ke tattare da wannan rikice-rikice na motsin zuciyarmu na iya ƙone ta cikin lokaci kuma ƙaunarta ga Alberto na iya raguwa.
Mutanen da suka fi son son kai sun fi son matsayin Alberto saboda sunyi imanin cewa ba zasu sami matsala wajen neman sabon abokin zama ba. Hakanan mafi yawan mutane masu hankali zasu iya zuwa matsayin Alberto, yayin da mafi yawan mutane masu soyayya zasu tafi don matsayin matar.
Shekaru na iya zama wani abin da ya dace a wannan batun: tsofaffi, waɗanda soyayyar su ta raguwa, sukan zaɓi halin Alberto saboda sun fi son "abokin soyayya."
A takaice, yawanci tsananin kauna baya daidaita tsakanin masoya, don haka masoya suyi mu'amala da irin wadannan bambance-bambancen.
Kai fa? Wanne zaɓi za ku zaɓa?
"Yawancin mutane sun fi wahalar bari a so su fiye da samun wanda yake kaunarsu." Bill russell
Barka dai, Ni Theresa Williams ne.Bayan kasancewa tare da Anderson tsawon shekaru, sai ya rabu da ni, na yi iya kokarina na dawo da shi, amma duk a banza, na so ya dawo sosai saboda kaunar da nake yi masa, Na roke shi da Komai, Na yi alkawura amma ya ƙi. Nayiwa abokina bayanin matsalata kuma ta bani shawarar da zan gwammace in tuntuɓi mai sihiri wanda zai iya taimaka min in yi sihiri don dawo da shi, amma ni mutumin ne wanda bai taɓa yin imani da sihirin ba, ba ni da wani zaɓi face gwadawa . sihiri ya fada mani babu matsala cewa komai zai daidaita cikin kwanaki uku, cewa tsohon zai dawo gareni cikin kwana uku, yayi sihiri kuma abin mamaki a rana ta biyu, ya kasance da misalin karfe 4 na yamma. Tsoho na ya kira ni, nayi matukar mamaki, na amsa kiran kuma duk abinda ya fada shine yayi nadamar duk abinda ya faru har yake so na dawo gare shi, yana matukar kaunata. Ya yi matukar farin ciki kuma shi ne yadda muka fara zama tare, farin ciki kuma. Tun daga wannan lokacin, na yi alƙawarin cewa duk wanda na sani wanda ke da matsala ta dangantaka, zan kasance mai taimako ga irin wannan mutumin ta hanyar tura shi ko ita zuwa ga mai gaskiya mai ƙarfi kuma mai ƙarfin sihiri wanda ya taimake ni da matsala tawa. Imel: (drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com) kuna iya email da shi idan kuna buƙatar taimakon ku a cikin dangantakarku ko wata shari'ar.
1) Kalaman Soyayya
2) Lubban Soyayyar Da Aka Bata
3) Sakin aure
4) Zaman aure
5) tsafin tsafi.
6) Lalacewar Zamani
7) Baci masoyin baya
8.) Kana so a daukaka ka a ofis din ka / Gasar caca
9) yana son gamsar da masoyin sa
Tuntuɓi wannan babban mutumin idan kuna da wasu lamuran don mafita mai ɗorewa
Ta hanyar (drogunduspellcaster@gmail.com)