Ubukrelekrele boMoya ayisiyonto inemfashini namhlanje, yinto ekufanele ukuba ihlale isetyenzwa ukususela ebuntwaneni. Ubukrelekrele boMoya buyimfuneko kubantwana ukuba bakhule babe ngabantu abaphumeleleyo. Kungale ndlela kuphela apho kuya kube lula ukuqonda iimvakalelo zakho kunye nezabanye.
Yintoni ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo?
Ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo kukukwazi ukuba nobukrelekrele malunga neemvakalelo, ezethu kunye nezabanye abantu. Kubandakanya ukukwazi ukuqaphela, ukuqonda kunye nokwenza izinto ngokufanelekileyo kwiimvakalelo.
Umxholo we-IE ubukho kangangamashumi eminyaka. Yaphakanyiswa yincwadi ka-1995, Ubukrelekrele boMoya: Kutheni Ingabalulekanga kune-IQ. Umbhali, ugqirha wezengqondo uDaniel Goleman, uchaze i-EI njengezinto ezintlanu ezisisiseko:
- Ukuzazi: umntu uyazi ukuba uziva njani ngalo mzuzu. Uyayiqonda indlela imvakalelo yakhe ebachaphazela ngayo abanye.
- Ukuzilawula: uyakwazi ukulawula indlela ophendula ngayo kwiimvakalelo zakho. Cinga ngeziphumo ezinokubakho ngaphambi kokuba uthabathe amanyathelo.
- Inkuthazo: Ungazifezekisa iinjongo ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka okanye ukuphazamiseka onokuba nakho.
- U velwano: uyayiqonda indlela abavakalelwa ngayo abanye.
- Izakhono zentlalo: inokusingatha ubudlelwane. Uyazi ukuba zeziphi iintlobo zokuziphatha ezifumana impendulo entle kwabanye.
Isishwankathelo, iziseko zengqondo yeemvakalelo ebantwaneni nakubantu abadala ziyafana. Yinto yokuba uninzi lwethu sele lilibale okokuqala ukufumana kwethu ezona zakhono zisisiseko.
Njengokuba umntwana ekhula, ufunda izakhono ezahlukeneyo ze IE ngezantya ezahlukeneyo: Akukho nanye, eyalelweyo, imodeli yomgama yokushwankathela ukuba yeyiphi na into yokulinganisa ekufuneka ijongeka ngayo kubantwana beminyaka eyahlukeneyo. Nangona kunjalo, kukho izinto ezithile ezikhokelela umntwana kuphuhliso lwe-sensorimotor emsulwa ukwenza abahlobo kunye nolawulo lwempembelelo.
Oku kubandakanya, kodwa kungaphelelanga apho:
- Ukuphuhliswa kolwazi lweemvakalelo: kuqala uqonde ezakho iimvakalelo, emva koko uziva kwabanye.
- Ukuqaphela, ukuchonga kunye nokuqonda iimvakalelo, Ukongeza ekuqondeni ukuba yintoni uvakalelo, baya kufunda ukuqonda ukuba yintoni imbonakalo yobuso, ulwimi lomzimba, ithoni yelizwi, njl.
- Xa uchaza iimvakalelo, ukongeza ekuchongeni iimvakalelo, Baza kufunda ukusebenzisa isigama esivakalayo ukubonisa indlela abavakalelwa ngayo.
- Yiba novelwano ngeemvakalelo zabanye: Ngokunxulumene noku kungasentla, oku kuya kuthi kwinqanaba elithile kwandise ukuziva uxhalabile xa abanye bengaphilanga.
- Lawula kwaye ulawule iimvakalelo zakho: funda (kwaye usebenzise ulwazi) malunga nokuba kufanelekile nini ukwenza okanye ukuphendula xa besiva okuthile.
- Qonda ukuba yintoni ebangela iimvakalelo, kubo nakwabanye.
- Qonda amakhonkco phakathi kwemvakalelo kunye nokuziphatha, umzekelo, "Utata wabetha eludongeni kuba wayenomsindo."
Indlela yokukhulisa umntwana okrelekrele ngokweemvakalelo
Uninzi lweengcebiso zobuzali zigxile ekujonganeni nokuziphatha okungalunganga. Ngelixa iluncedo, ikwafana nokunikezela ngengcebiso ngendlela yokusinda emva kwenyikima yenyukliya kwaye ungathethi ngendlela yokuyithintela. Eyona nto iphantsi kokuziphatha gwenxa yindlela umntwana azisingatha ngayo iimvakalelo ezingalunganga. Kwaye le yinto kunqabile ukuba siyifundise ngabom kwaye kunqabile ukuba sifundise kakuhle.
Ukubonisa abantwana indlela yokuqonda nokulawula iimvakalelo kuthintela ukungaziphathi kakuhle, kwaye sisakhono esiya kubanceda kubo bonke ubomi babo. Ithintela ukuba nomsindo xa uneminyaka emi-4, kodwa ikwahlula phakathi kokonga imali yasekholejini kunye nokonga imali ngebheyile kamva. Yijonge njengoqeqesho lweemvakalelo.
Uyifumana njani?
Unjingalwazi uJohn Gottman ngumntu oguqukayo kwisifundo sobudlelwane, wafikelela kwinqanaba lokuba amamele isibini okwemizuzu embalwa kwaye achaze inani elothusayo lokuchaneka ukuba bayawuqhawula umtshato okanye hayi. UGottman ujonge nokuba ngumzali. Kwaye ayisiyiyo ithiyori yokugqibela yokuba ngumzali evekini apho umntu eze nesidlo sasemini- esi yayisisifundo sokwenyani.
Wayekhathalela abantu abangaphezulu kwe-100 abatshatileyo abanabantwana abaneminyaka emi-4-5 kwaye wabanika amaphepha emibuzo. Emva koko waqhuba amawaka eeyure zodliwanondlebe. Wayekujonga ukuziphatha kwabo kwilabhoratri yakhe. Iiseshoni ezirekhodiweyo zabantwana abadlala nabahlobo babo abasenyongweni. Kujongwe ukubetha kwentliziyo, ukuphefumla, ukuhamba kwegazi kunye nokubila. Uthathe iisampulu zomchamo, ewe iisampulu zomchamo, ebantwaneni ukulinganisa iihormoni ezinxulumene noxinzelelo. Kwaye emva koko waqhubeka nabantwana kunye neentsapho de kwaba kwinqanaba lokufikisa, eqhuba udliwanondlebe ngakumbi, evavanya ukusebenza kwezifundo, njl.
Xa kufikwa kumba wokujongana neemvakalelo, uGottman waqonda ukuba kukho iindidi ezi-4 zabazali. Kwaye ezintathu azifanelekanga:
- Bayazityeshela, bazityeshele okanye bazithathe kancinci iimvakalelo ezingalunganga.
- Bagxeka iimvakalelo ezingakhiyo kwaye bohlwaya abantwana ngembonakalo yeemvakalelo.
- Bayazamkela kwaye bachonge iimvakalelo zabantwana babo, kodwa ababoneleli ngesikhokelo okanye babeke imida kwindlela yokuziphatha.
- Bayazamkela kwaye baziqonde iimvakalelo zabantwana babo kwaye bafuna isisombululo.
Abantwana bamaqela amathathu okuqala abazali abaqhelekanga ukwenza kakuhle. Baziphatha kakubi, babenengxaki yokwenza abahlobo, okanye babenemicimbi yokuzithemba. Kwaye ke bakwiqela lesine, aBazali be-Ultra. Basebenzisa ngokungazi oko uGottman akubiza ngokuba "luqeqesho lweemvakalelo." Aba bazali bavelisa abantwana abakrelekrele ngokwasemphefumlweni. Aba bazali bazamkele iimvakalelo zabantwana babo (kodwa ayizizo zonke iindlela zokuziphatha kwabantwana), Babakhokele kwixesha leemvakalelo kwaye babanceda basombulula iingxaki ukuze bafumane isisombululo esingesiso esindlongondlongo.
Abantwana babengcono xa bezolile xa becaphukile. Babenokuzolisa iintliziyo zabo ngokukhawuleza. Ngenxa yokusebenza kwabo okuphezulu kuloo nxalenye ye-physiology yabo ebandakanya ukuzola, babenezifo ezosulelayo ezimbalwa.
Babengcono ekugxileni. Babenxibelelana ngcono nabanye abantu, nakwimeko ezinzima zentlalo abaqubisana nazo ebuntwaneni obuphakathi, ezinje ngokuhlekiswa, apho ukukhathazeka kakhulu luxanduva, hayi i-asethi. Babengcono ekuqondeni abantu. Babenobuhlobo obungcono nabanye abantwana. Baye babhetele nakwiimeko esikolweni ezifuna ukuphumelela kwizifundo.
Ngamafutshane, babephuhlise uhlobo lwe "IQ" ejongene nabantu kunye nehlabathi leemvakalelo okanye ubukrelekrele bemvakalelo. Kwaye konke kwehla ngendlela abazali abasisingatha ngayo isigulo esibi seemvakalelo zomntwana.