I-Emotional Intelligence akuyona into efake imfashini namuhla, kuyinto okufanele isetshenzwe ngaso sonke isikhathi kusuka ebuntwaneni. I-Emotional Intelligence iyadingeka ukuthi izingane zikhule zibe ngabantu abaphumelelayo. Kungale ndlela kuphela lapho kuzoba lula ukuqonda imizwa yakho kanye neyabanye.
Kuyini ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo?
I-Emotional Intelligence yikhono lokukhalipha ngemizwa, eyethu neyabanye abantu. Kubandakanya ukukwazi ukuqaphela, ukuqonda nokwenza ngokuvumelana nemizwa ngempumelelo.
Umqondo we-IE ubulokhu ukhona amashumi eminyaka. Yathandwa yincwadi yango-1995, i-Emotional Intelligence: Kungani Kungabaluleka Kakhulu Kune-IQ. Umbhali, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDaniel Goleman, uchaze i-EI njengezingxenye ezinhlanu eziyisisekelo:
- Ukuzazi: umuntu uyazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani ngesikhathi esithile. Uyayiqonda indlela isimo sakhe sengqondo esibathinta ngayo abanye.
- Ukuzilawula: ungakwazi ukulawula indlela osabela ngayo emizweni yakho. Cabanga ngemiphumela engaba khona ngaphambi kokwenza ngokuthatheka.
- Isikhuthazo: Ungafinyelela izinhloso ngaphandle kwemizwa engemihle noma ephazamisayo ongaba nayo.
- Uzwela: uyayiqonda indlela abanye abazizwa ngayo.
- Amakhono omphakathi: ingaphatha ubudlelwano. Uyazi ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zokuziphatha ezithola impendulo enhle kwabanye.
Ngokufingqa, izisekelo ze-Emotional Intelligence ezinganeni nakubantu abadala ziyafana. Ukuthi nje iningi lethu selikhohliwe okokuqala lapho sathola amakhono ayisisekelo kulawa.
Njengoba ingane ikhula, ifunda amakhono ahlukile we IE ngejubane elihlukile: ayikho imodeli eyodwa, e-odiwe, eqondile yokufingqa ukuthi ukulingana kufanele kubukeke kanjani ezinganeni zeminyaka ehlukene. Kodwa-ke, kunezinto ezithile eziholela ingane ekukhuleni kwe-sensorimotor emsulwa ukwenza abangane nokulawula imizwa.
Lokhu kufaka, kepha akukhawulelwe ku:
- Ukuthuthukiswa kokuqwashisa ngokomzwelo: qala ngokuqonda imizwa yakho, bese kuba yimizwa kwabanye.
- Ukuqaphela, ukuhlonza nokuqonda imizwa, Ngaphezu kokuqonda ukuthi yini umuzwa, bazofunda ukuqonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukubukeka kobuso, ukukhuluma komzimba, iphimbo lezwi, njll.
- Lapho uchaza imizwa, ngaphezu kokuqamba imizwa, Bazofunda ukusebenzisa isilulumagama esingokomzwelo ukuveza indlela abazizwa ngayo.
- Zwelana nemizwa yabanye: Ngokuphathelene nalokhu okungenhla, lokhu kuzokwengeza ukuzwela ukukhathazeka lapho abanye bengaphilile.
- Lawula futhi uphathe imizwa yakho: funda (futhi usebenzise ulwazi) mayelana nokuthi kufanele nini ukwenza okuthile noma ukusabela lapho bezwa okuthile.
- Qonda ukuthi yini ebanga imizwa, kubo nakwabanye.
- Qonda ukuxhumana phakathi kwemizwa nokuziphatha, isibonelo, "Ubaba ushaye udonga ngoba ubethukuthele."
Ungayikhulisa kanjani ingane ehlakaniphile ngokomzwelo
Izeluleko eziningi zabazali zigxile ekubhekaneni nokuziphatha okungalungile. Yize kuwusizo, futhi kufana nokunikeza izeluleko zokuthi ungaphila kanjani ngemuva kokuqothulwa kwenuzi futhi ungakhulumi ngokuthi ungakuvimbela kanjani. Okujwayele ukudala ukuziphatha okubi ukuthi ingane iyisingatha kanjani imizwa emibi. Futhi le yinto esingavamile ukuyifundisa ngamabomu futhi asikaze sifundise kahle.
Ukukhombisa izingane ukuthi zazi kanjani futhi zilawule imizwa kuvimbela ukungaziphathi kahle, futhi kuyikhono elizobasiza kuzo zonke izimpilo zabo. Kuvimbela intukuthelo eneminyaka engu-4, kepha futhi umehluko phakathi kokonga imali yasekolishi nokonga imali ngebheyili kamuva. Kubheke njengokuqeqeshwa kwemizwa.
Uyithola kanjani?
USolwazi John Gottman ungumuntu owaguqula kabusha ucwaningo lobudlelwano, wafinyelela ezingeni lapho ayengalalela khona izithandani okwemizuzu embalwa futhi anqume ngenani elisabekayo lokucacisa ukuthi bazohlukanisa noma cha. UGottman naye wabheka ukuba ngumzali. Futhi lokhu kwakungeyona inkolelo yokugcina yokuba ngumzali kuleli sonto umuntu aqhamuke nesikhathi sokudla kwasemini - lokhu bekuyisifundo esihle kakhulu.
Ubenakekela imibhangqwana eshadile engaphezu kwekhulu enezingane ezineminyaka engama-100-4 futhi ebanikeza imibuzo. Wabe eseqhuba izinkulungwane zamahora enhlolokhono. Ubone indlela abaziphatha ngayo elabhorathri yakhe. Izikhathi ezirekhodiwe zezingane ezidlala nabangani bazo abakhulu. Kubhekwe ukushaya kwenhliziyo, ukuphefumula, ukugeleza kwegazi nokujuluka. Uthathe amasampula womchamo, yebo amasampula womchamo, ezinganeni ukukala ama-hormone ahlobene nengcindezi. Wabe eseqhubeka nezingane nemindeni waze wafika ebusheni, eqhuba izingxoxo eziningi, ehlola ukusebenza kwezemfundo, njll.
Uma kukhulunywa ngokubhekana nemizwa, uGottman wabona ukuthi kunezinhlobo ezi-4 zabazali. Futhi ezintathu azilungile kangako:
- Abayinaki, abayinaki noma abayithathi kalula imizwa engemihle.
- Bagxeka imizwa engemihle futhi bajezisa izingane ngokukhuluma ngokomzwelo.
- Bayemukela futhi bazibone ngemizwa yezingane zabo, kepha abanikeli ukuholwa noma babeka imingcele ekuziphatheni.
- Bayemukela futhi baqonde imizwa yezingane zabo futhi bafune izixazululo.
Izingane zamaqembu amathathu okuqala abazali ngokuvamile azenzi kahle. Baziphatha kabi kakhulu, babenenkinga yokwenza abangane, noma babenezinkinga zokuzethemba. Futhi-ke baseqenjini lesine, i-Ultra Parents. Basebenzise ngokungazi lokho uGottman akubiza ngokuthi "ukuqeqeshwa ngokomzwelo." Laba bazali bakhiqiza izingane ezihlakaniphe ngokomzwelo. Laba bazali bayemukele imizwa yezingane zabo (kepha hhayi zonke izindlela zokuziphatha zezingane), Babakhombise ngezikhathi zomzwelo futhi babasiza ukuba baxazulule izinkinga ukuthola isisombululo esingelolaka.
Izingane zazingcono ekwehliseni umoya lapho zicasukile. Babekwazi ukuzolisa izinhliziyo zabo ngokushesha. Ngenxa yokusebenza kwabo okuphezulu kuleyo ngxenye yomzimba wabo ehlanganisa ukwehlisa umoya, babenezifo ezimbalwa ezithathelwanayo.
Babengcono ekugxiliseni ukunakwa. Babekhuluma kangcono kwabanye abantu, noma ezimeni ezinzima zomphakathi abahlangabezana nazo ebuntwaneni obuphakathi, njengokugconwa, lapho ukukhathazeka ngokweqile kuyisibopho, hhayi into eyigugu. Babengcono ekuqondeni abantu. Babenobungane obungcono nezinye izingane. Babengcono futhi ezimeni esikoleni ezazidinga ukuphumelela ezifundweni.
Ngamafuphi, babesungule uhlobo lwe- "IQ" elisebenzelana nabantu nezwe lemizwa noma ubuhlakani obungokomzwelo. Konke lokhu kuye ngokuthi abazali bakusingatha kanjani ukuqhuma okungalungile kwengane engokomzwelo.