10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence

Everybody is always talking about the Emotional Intelligence (IE), but what is it exactly?

An important aspect of emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions - in oneself and in others - and to use that information appropriately.

For example, the recognition of emotional intelligence in itself can help regulate and manage your emotions in addition to recognizing emotions in others which favors the development of empathy and success in your relationships, both personal and professional.

Given the importance of emotional intelligence, I thought it might be helpful to give a brief overview of the topic, as well as establish 10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence.

In 1990, 2 Yale psychologists, John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey, coined the term emotional intelligence, which some researchers claim is an innate characteristic, while others suggest that it can be improved with proper guidance and practice. I agree with both schools and, obviously, with the second.

It cannot be possible for everyone to have a psychotherapist. But you can become your own therapist. It all starts with learning to listen to your feelings. Although it is not always easy, developing the ability to tune in to your own emotions is the first and perhaps the most important step.

10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence.

1) Don't run away from your feelings.

If the feelings are uncomfortable, don't run away from them. Stop at least once a day to reflect and ask: "How I feel?"

2) Don't judge or edit your feelings too quickly.

Try not to punish your feelings before you have a chance to think about them. There are some negative emotions that can help us grow if we know how to handle them. We must analyze them as if we were an external observer, with curiosity, wondering why they are there, what harm they do us, what good we can extract from them.

3) Find the connections between your feelings.

When a difficult feeling arises, ask yourself, "When have I felt this feeling before?" Try to remember how you got over that feeling, what mechanisms you used.

4) Learn to manage mixed feelings.

Many times our feelings contradict each other. That's normal. Listening to your feelings is like listening to all the witnesses in a court case. Only admit the evidence that will lead you to a better verdict.

5) Listen to your body.

A knot in your stomach while driving to work can be an indication that your job is a source of stress. A flutter in your heart when you see a girl / or could be the beginning of something great.

6) Control your stress level.

If your stress level is high, it is easy for you to have overwhelming feelings. A key skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to calm down when you feel overwhelmed. This ability of emotional intelligence helps maintain mental balance.

7) Use humor and play to face challenges.

Humor, laughter, and play are natural antidotes to life's difficulties. They lighten our burdens and help us keep events in perspective. A good laugh reduces stress, elevates mood, and rebalances our nervous system.

8) Resolve your conflicts in a positive way.

Conflicts and disagreements are inevitable in relationships. Two people cannot have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times.

However, this does not have to be a bad thing. Resolving conflicts in a healthy and constructive way can strengthen trust between people. When conflict is not perceived as a threat or punishment, it favors freedom, creativity and security in relationships.

9) Write your thoughts and feelings.

Research has shown that writing down thoughts and feelings can profoundly help people.

10) Don't wallow in negative feelings.

Studies have shown that encouraging people to over-analyze negative feelings can increase negative feelings. Emotional intelligence involves not only the ability to look inward, but also to be present in the world around you.