It is not always easy to be aware of the impact we have on others and even less of the negative impact that we can have on them due to our actions, it requires great emotional maturity to become aware of this.
Many times people ask for forgiveness just out of habit or because someone else tells them that they should, this type of apology does not work, because they are not true. Knowing how to apologize honestly and genuinely is essential to achieve forgiveness in the other person and to be able to maintain healthy social relationships.
In order to make a true apology, it is essential to:
1) Recognition.
It is essential to realize and be aware of how our actions have affected others, accept it and assume it. Furthermore, in this phase we must assume our responsibility for the damage caused without seeking to justify ourselves, but we must not be too hard on ourselves either; it is just about accepting that we have wronged someone.
2) Think about what went wrong.
We can reflect on what we did to inflict harm, in case we are not clear about it. Regret or sadness can be expressed by the feeling that someone is experiencing emotional distress as a result of something wrong we have done.
3) Feel regret for the act committed.
This refers to feeling really bad and in disagreement about what we have done, wanting that it had not happened and wishing that things had been different.
4) Feel empathy for the affected person.
Empathy is about being able to put yourself in the other person's shoes and knowing what he or she is feeling. To feel empathy we can think about whether we would have liked what we have done to us.
5) Find a good time to apologize.
After being aware of having inflicted damage, sometimes it is better to wait for the best moment because the person needs to have calmed down so that they can be more receptive.
6) Be patient.
In case the person does not immediately accept the apology, leave the door open in case he wants to speak later, we must respect that sometimes it takes people a while to process and accept the apology.
7) Restitution.
This means taking steps to provide an act or service to compensate for the transgression. This has to do with actions that can compensate for the damage inflicted, but in the event that the same damage cannot be compensated, any type of actions that generate well-being for the other person can be carried out.
In addition, in this phase it is important to assure or promise the other person that we will try to prevent this from happening again and that we will make every effort not to incur the same action again.
It is important to understand that apologizing is not about us, it is not about whether or not we are at fault or who was at fault, it is about apologizing for making someone feel bad, So when apologizing we must remember to focus on the other person and not ourselves, sometimes there is more than one person to blame, but we cannot apologize for others.
We must not fall into the error of seeking to justify ourselves or give explanations that exempt us from responsibilities, when everything is calm, we can explain why we carried out the action that harmed the other person.[mashshare]
This sounds very easy, but when I try it, I am simply speechless.