If you learn to be a good active listener, you will become an excellent listener. But hearing is not the same as listening. In your day to day you will have many conversations with friends, co-workers or family. But most of the time, people do not listen as well as they wish or at least they should.
Often, we are distracted by other things in the environment (television, external noises, Internet, the telephone, etc.) and do not allow us to fully focus on what the other is telling us. Even if you think you are listening to him, the reality is that you are not giving him your full attention.
What is active listening
To really pay attention to another person, you will need to develop active listening. This has to do with the constriction of the relationship, understanding and trust with the other person. When you learn the skills to have a good active listening you will be a good listener and you will really 'hear' what the other person is saying to you, and not just unfinished parts.
Today, direct communication is increasingly important, but due to new technologies, people are spending less and less time listening to each other. Listening really seems weird, but it is necessary in order to build true relationships, solve problems, ensure understanding, resolve conflicts, and improve accuracy. At work, effective listening means fewer mistakes and less wasted time. At home, it helps develop resourceful, self-reliant children who can solve their own problems. Listening builds strong relationships and helps you have a good education.
Next we are going to tell you some practical tips that you can start to put into practice to be able to have an active listening in your conversations. In this way, you will begin to be a good listener, people will take you more into consideration and you will have better self-esteem when you see that your interpersonal relationships are strengthened.
Active listening characteristics
Eye contact to show attention
Look the other person in the face when they are talking to you. Put the mobile screen aside, and look him in the face when the other person talks to you. In most Western cultures, eye contact is considered a basic ingredient of effective communication. When we speak, we look into each other's eyes.
That doesn't mean that you can't carry on a conversation from across the room with your partner, but if the conversation continues for an extended period of time, either of you will have to get up and move to where the other person is.
Look the person in the eye even if he or she is not looking at you. Shyness, uncertainty, shame, guilt, or other emotions, along with cultural taboos, can inhibit eye contact for some people under certain circumstances.
A relaxed attitude to show confidence
When you have achieved eye contact, relax your mind. You don't have to be staring at the other person all the time, as this could even intimidate them. You can look away from time to time to release mental tension and continue speaking normally. What matters above all is to be attentive to what the other person tells you.
Eliminate your mental distractions. Try to focus on what he says and not so much on how he says it. Don't get distracted by your own thoughts, feelings, or prejudices.
Verbal components of active listening
Repeat and summarize what it tells you
To show that you are listening, repeat what you think the person said from time to time, not repeating the exact same thing, but paraphrasing what you heard in your own words. For example, "Let's see if I understood correctly ...".
It is also appropriate to summarize when you have been listening for a while. This way they can see that you are attentive and that you understand what they are saying. And if you don't understand it, at least you are worrying about understanding it with your questions.
This is also achieved when you allow the other person to say all their initial thoughts about a situation, then share pertinent information, your observations, ideas or experiences, and then listen to them before continuing again.
Allow silences
These silences do not have to be negative at all. Sometimes they are necessary for a good conversation to flow. Comfortable silences help slow down the exchange of opinions, It allows you to think about the answer properly and therefore, that the conversation is more successful.
Silences will also help you know when is the best time to intervene without interrupting. It is important that when you intervene you do not judge or give solutions to their problems if they have not expressly asked you before.
Examples, techniques and exercises
Nowadays, there are television programs that interrupt, that have a strong, aggressive and direct behavior with other people. But this form of communication is neither correct nor does it encourage active listening. Therefore, if you want to have a good active listening, follow the tips mentioned above and the following exercises and techniques.
Don't interrupt when talking to others
If you interrupt the speaker, you are saying without words that you are more important than him or that what you have to say is more relevant than what he is saying to you. You will also be showing that it is more of a competition than a conversation ... big problems for successful communication.
Do not give quick solutions to the problems of others
We all think and speak at different rates. If you are a fast thinker and nimble talker, the burden is on you to relax your pace for the slower, more thoughtful communicator, or the person who has trouble expressing themselves. When you hear someone talk about a problem, avoid suggesting solutions if they haven't asked you before.
In a conversation, ask permission to give your opinion
Most people don't want advice, they just want to explain their points of view. And if they want it, they will ask for it directly. If at any point in the conversation you want to offer your advice, then ask the other person for permission before doing it for free. as it can be quite annoying.
Improve your empathy in every conversation
Last but not least, in order to maintain a good active listening and be a good listener, you need to have empathy. Feel the other person's words, feel how they say it, feel what they are saying. With empathy you will be able to listen beyond their words and the conversation will be even more successful.
Benefits of active listening
Active listening has great benefits, since it will allow you to establish good communications with anyone. The most important benefits are:
- You will be an excellent listener
- You will have more interesting conversations
- People will trust you more
- You will feel better for fostering a good atmosphere for dialogue
- You will have more work and personal opportunities
- You will be a person with empathy and willing to understand others
- You will leave your comfort zone in conversations
- You will discover things in conversations that you might not have discovered otherwise.
Remember all these tips the next time you want to have a conversation with someone else and you become an expert listener.
Very good advice I like