We live in a society where deference is often conspicuous by its absence. Respect for the other person seems to be a utopia that people simply forget. Deference can be shown in personal life, in professional life… towards anyone and towards yourself.
You may not know what this term means or you have never heard it. Starting today, you will realize how important it is and how it is necessary for you to have deference in your life and also to show yourself for others. Although to improve interpersonal relationships you will really also need other things besides deference.
What is
When we refer to deference we are talking about respect for another person. It is when someone shows a behavior of respect and courtesy towards another person out of respect for them or due to excessive moderation. This moderation can be carried out to keep the interpersonal relationship healthy and that the other person does not get upset.
Therefore, deference can also be understood as a form of special treatment towards the other. It can be understood with other synonyms such as: respect, consideration, thoughtfulness or complacency.
Therefore, a person who acts with deference, will try to show kindness or courtesy towards a person for some specific reason. A special attention or consideration is shown either due to age, by profession or any other factor that influences the person who acts in this way.
It is an extra respect for a person that manifests itself in different ways, such as not contradicting their opinions even if they do not agree, giving a seat to a person even if they prefer to be seated, etc. Even if many people mistake it for politeness, deference is closer to what is known as condescension.
Respect in society
Real respect is more important than deference, since deference in a way is to have a special time for another person because of who he is, it is acted in a way that is not humble or real, since on many occasions deference or courtesy by the other person it is done with hidden thoughts.
Instead, When real respect is shown towards others, then interpersonal relationships are favored and satisfactory bonds between people are created. If you show respect, you will have respect. But if you show deference, you can also get deference, although not always, because you will be showing an "inferior" attitude towards others.
Respect between people helps to live without conflict, accepting the differences that exist between them. Respecting people is learning to put distance between one and another, an emotional distance that allows you not to judge others. The other person is taken into account for their individual differences, no matter what they are, no matter who the other person is. The other person is not intended to change in any way or to be a different person than they are right now.
The same goes for self-respect. If you respect yourself, you will accept your strengths and weaknesses, enhancing the positive parts of your life and learning from the most negative parts. When you have respect for your own person, you will act towards yourself and towards others in a real way, without having a condescending behavior, without believing yourself better than anyone or worse, nor will you act in ways that are not your own. For example, you will not act deferential to a person if you think differently and believe that your opinion should be heard. That is, if you are facing a boss who tries to contradict you but you think you should show your opinion, assertively and with much education you will let him know your opinion, with respect but without deference, with courtesy but without condescension.
Respect for others
It is important to learn to respect others and yourself. To respect is to accept others, to understand that everyone has the right to choose who they really are, both in their way of thinking, as well as in their opinion, in feeling, in acting and for any other reason. If you judge others, if you humiliate them, you disqualify their way of acting or thinking ... then you will be crossing the line of respect.
Everyone has the right to be who they are, without having to be better or worse than others. But you do have to be educated people ... but a real education. This means that you can say what you think even if you have a person older or of higher "status" than you, as long as you do so with respect and assertiveness. If you want to give the seat to a person who is older or who needs it more than you, do it from the heart but do not get up just out of courtesy when you don't feel that way in your heart, because then you're not being a real person.
People can be different but it is necessary that we do our part to be able to live in respect and harmony within the difference. So that interpersonal relationships flow correctly. Pretending that others think like us or that they do the same as us because we have done it before and we want that reciprocity, is unreality. When you do something for others, do it from the heart and not because you think it's the best you can do.
Respecting another in a real way is not judging him for his decisions or his behavior. Not to reproach or recriminate others ... is to accept the other person in a real way, from the heart and not just to show a certain attitude of courtesy even if we are really thinking or feeling something else. To act with deference is to show respect covered with a mask of falsehood since perhaps in other circumstances you would not show that respect for the person in front of you. In this sense, it is necessary to do internal work so that in this way you can begin to be authentic with yourself and with others.
To achieve this you must show towards yourself and towards others, empathy, have a communicative attitude of acceptance and respect towards others. Although you do not always share the same opinions or way of life, it does not mean that there should be confrontation or conflict.
Interesting article that today reminds us that the respect we must have for others and for ourselves is a tool to be better citizens.