When we talk about assertiveness, we refer to the ability of people to communicate your wants, needs, or thoughts without hurting or offending other people.
Assertiveness is synonymous with good social skills, but it also allows us to have the necessary tools to defend our rights without attacking others or being attacked.
what is assertiveness
Assertiveness can be part of your personality, of your habitual form of communication towards yourself and towards others. They are skills that are reflected in interpersonal relationships and avoid aggressiveness of any kind (active or passive) but knowing how to set limits and defending our rights.
Empathy in any case, has a primordial role in the process of being assertive. It is the basis for being able to maintain a good coexistence since you can express your opinion firmly without the need to harm other people.
Assertiveness allows you to express your thoughts, emotions, feelings, opinions… in an appropriate way, respecting yourself and without the need to use aggressiveness or violence. Your behavior will be based on respect for yourself and also for others.
Examples of using assertiveness
To better understand what assertiveness is and how to use it in your life, we are going to give you some examples. In this way, you will be able to follow them to begin applying this important social skill in your life and notice a positive change in your interpersonal relationships.
Example 1
non-assertive communication
You are useless, you are always wrong about the same thing (in this sentence you judge and generalize, being aggressive with the other person)
Assertive communication
I have noticed that you have not filled out the forms correctly and this has caused delays in the department, have you noticed? Do you need help of any kind? (It is an assertive phrase because it talks about the other person's action, the impact it has caused and it is validated by offering help.
Example 2
non-assertive communication
You are not committed to work, it always happens to you. (In this sentence it is judged and generalized)
Assertive communication
I have noticed that this week you have been late for our commitments twice, I would like you to be more punctual. (It is an assertive phrase because what bothers you is indicated and a request is made in the first person of the behavior to improve).
Example 3
non-assertive communication
You always put me in a bad mood. (It is a phrase that blames the other person and the speaker puts himself in the role of victim).
Assertive communication
When you talk to me like that you make me feel bad, I want you to talk to me with a better tone of voice. (It is an assertive phrase because what bothers you is indicated and a request is made in the first person to generate a change).
Example 4
non-assertive communication
You are ignoring me and excluding me from your life. (The other is blamed and the person who speaks puts himself in the role of victim).
Assertive communication
When you didn't invite me to your party I felt left out and I don't understand why you did it, it really saddens me that you did that. (The speaker takes responsibility for her emotions, explains what has bothered her, the impact he has had on her emotions).
Example 5
non-assertive communication
You never listen to me or pay attention to me, either what you always say is done or nothing is done. (The other person is generalized and judged).
Assertive communication
When I told you about my opinion that was different from yours, it seemed to me that you got a little upset, is that right? What is your opinion on that topic? (Speak in the first person, specify what has happened, validate the thought of the other person and seek consensus).
Examples of assertive responses
Sometimes, assertiveness must occur in response to requests that have been made to us or in a conversation in which we are immersed. Some examples:
- Assertive response to verbal conflict: Excuse me, I want to tell you something but you are interrupting me; talk to me without yelling that I'm talking to you with a good tone of voice, etc.
- Comprehensive response that manifests need: I understand what you say/do to me but I...
- Answer I feel: When you do, I feel; when you told me, I felt; I prefer that you tell me, etc.
- Assertive response to aggressiveness: The more you get angry/yell at me I won't be able to express myself properly. When you stop and you can hear what I have to tell you, we resume the conversation.
- Answer NO more active listening: I can't go to the company lunch, although I know you really want me to go, but it's really impossible for me to go.
- Answer NO reasoning: Thank you for inviting me to your house although I prefer not to go because that day I have other plans.
- Temporary NOT answer: Thank you for inviting me to your house although I prefer not to go because that day I have other plans, shall we see it for another weekend?
- Response in search of third party liability: What do you mean with…?
- Answer to remember your own rights: I have the right to…
As you can see, we have explained many examples of assertiveness that you can use in your day-to-day life, both in your personal relationships and in the workplace. What matters above all is that you can remain calm. It is essential that you are aware that you have all the right in the world to express your emotions and your feelings clearly and concisely.
You even have the right to interrupt a conversation in the event that they have to give you explanations for a specific reason. You must make yourself respected by others, but above all, you must respect yourself for that to happen.
Assertiveness is maintaining a respectful and fluid communication with others, taking into account the emotions and feelings of others... but above all, and more importantly, is to take into account your thoughts, emotions, feelings and rights. You can be a more assertive person with these examples of assertiveness and improve your personal relationships today!