The best funny phrases

We have prepared a good list with the best funny phrases that we are convinced that they will give that funny touch to your lives, and that is that humor is a very important part if we want to enjoy maximum happiness and health.

Save these funny phrases well on your computer

This list aims to help you give that touch of joy and enthusiasm that we need every day, putting at your disposal a fantastic collection through which you can make any moment you live special.

For our part we want to remind you how important a good sense of humor is to ensure good health, since smiling every day can not only lengthen our existence, but also make us enjoy a better quality of life with a better mood and above all, sharing happiness with all the people we love.

For that reason we recommend that you read at least one of these every day phrases to raise the moodEither when you are sad, when you feel stressed, or even when you are happy and want a little more sympathy. One, two, three sentences if possible at least, so that you will be receiving a very natural dose and without preservatives of lasting happiness.

And of course it is also an ideal opportunity to share with your friends, either through social networks, or even in real-time chat applications such as WhatsApp, Skype, etc., and there is nothing more pleasant than being close to a person who enjoys a good sense of humor and who also shares it with us with the aim of making us happy too.

List with the best funny phrases

But we are not going to get involved anymore since what you have come to look for are precisely the funny phrases that we have prepared for you, so below we leave you a complete list with the ones that we consider you will like the most.

• the television is more interesting than the people. If it were not, we would have people positioned in the corners of the room, instead of a television.
• All I need to make people laugh is a park, a policeman, and a pretty girl.
• You spin more than a fool on wheels.
• The wise speak because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
• A heavy is someone who when you ask him how he is, goes and answers you
• An expert is someone who explains something simple to you in a confusing way that makes you think the confusion is your fault.
• How come there is only a Monopoly Commission?
• Maybe this world is hell on another planet.
• The only thing stopping God from sending us another flood is that the first one didn't work.
• The clearest indication that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never attempted to contact us.
• You can't have everything …… where would you keep it?
• He has turned his life upside down. Before, I was depressed and sad. Now he is sad and depressed.
• I pretend to live forever. So far I'm doing fine.
• The universe is just a fleeting thought in the mind of God. Something quite disconcerting, especially if you just paid the deposit to buy a house.
• What I regret the most in this life is not being someone else.
• I think if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find someone to whom life gives vodka and throw a party.
• When you are in love it is the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
• People who think they know everything are a great nuisance to those who do know everything.
• Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and asked for a second opinion. He told me that he was also ugly.
• I looked at my family tree and found that I was the toad.
• Don't take life too seriously. You will not get out of it alive.
• If you could kick the person responsible for most of your problems, you couldn't sit down for a month
• A day without sun is, you know, the night.
• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
• To procrastinate is to keep up with yesterday's rhythm.
• I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.
• A word to the wise is not necessary - it is the stupid who need advice.
• I found that there is only one way to appear skinny: dating fat people.
• Sexual inactivity is dangerous, it produces horns.
• A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's - it is cleaned more often
• Get facts first, then you can distort them to your liking.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize that I should have been more specific.
• If you're going to do something tonight that you feel sorry for tomorrow morning, stay up late.
• It is incredible that the news that occurs in the world every day always fits in the newspaper.
• Laugh and the world will laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone.

• Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
• They say that marriage is made in heaven. But also lightning and thunder.
• Surely, there are many reasons for divorces; but the main one is and will be the wedding.
• Life is like toilet paper, the closer you get to the end the faster it passes.
• Recent studies have shown that a person can travel from one place to another without posting it on their Facebook.
• Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experience is one of the best.
• The wise speak because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.
• Fuck diets, my WhatsApp tells me I'm online.
• Whoever gets close to a good tree, a dog comes and urinates on him!
• Gray hair is no longer respected. They stain.
• If love is blind, why is sexy underwear so successful?
• Let's get down to business. (a dermatologist)
• I can't bear to see the dirty house, right now I get up and turn off the light.
• If I live in the clouds it is because the ground is full of idiots.
• If I were Superman, I would take you flying, but since I'm not ... you fuck off and walk away!
• I've done all the math, and we can't afford to keep keeping the dog. Signed: the cat.
• Who speaks ill of me behind my back my ass contemplates it.
• God will forgive me: it is his office.
• If you want ladies to follow you, get ahead of them.
• My plan is to live forever. I am perfectly fullfilling it until today.
• The best thing to flirt is to have a girlfriend.
• When I see a morning runner smile, I will seriously think about jogging.
• If God only gave me a simple sign, like making a deposit in my checking account.
• Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.
• Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot.
• I never said most of the things that I said.
• If you want them to think you are a liar, always tell the truth.
• A pessimist is a person who has listened to too many optimists.
• Only the mediocre are always at their best.
• Never hit a fallen man, he can get up.
• I used to run, but ice cubes were falling out of my glass.
• I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder that does it for me.
• I have tried not knowing anything about many things and have been quite successful.
• The cure for an obsession: get another
• Before rejecting your questions, I declare to be open.
• I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve it either.
• Television is gum for the eyes.
• I buy expensive suits. They just seem cheap on me.
• A vegetarian is a person who will not eat anything that can have children.
• If I called the wrong number, why did you answer?
• I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

• Men are only as loyal as their options.
• If you live 100 years, you have made it. Few people die after that age.
• I do not believe in life after death, although I will take a change of underwear.
• I was born in very sad circumstances. Both of my parents were very sad.
• I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
• I spent a year in that town, on a Sunday.
• When I was born, I owed twelve dollars.
• If you are not successful at first, blame your parents.
• If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
• I used to sell furniture to live. The problem is that they were mine.
• I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment.
• I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
• The superfluous, something very necessary.
• Everything is fun, as long as it is happening to someone else.
• It's always fun until someone gets hurt. Then it is very fun.
• I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
• If the mountain comes to you, run, because it is collapsing. Anonymous.
• Dear math, please grow up and solve the problems for me. I'm tired of solving them for you.
• Some things are better left unsaid. But I'll get drunk and say them anyway.
• I am so intelligent that sometimes I do not understand a simple word of what I am saying.
• Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it to be returned to them.
• I used to think I'm indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
• Santa Claus had the right idea: he visits people once a year.
• Bigamy is having a wife many times. Monogamy is the same.
• If it were not for electricity, we would all be watching television with candles.
• A celebrity is a person who works all his life to be known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
• One conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
• If the phone doesn't ring it's me.
• When I was a child, the Dead Sea was just sick.
• I can't understand why a person would spend a year writing a novel when they can easily buy one for a few dollars.
• Now I begin to remember. But I don't remember anything!
• The only time a woman can be successful in changing a man is when he is a baby.
• The important thing is not to know, but to have the phone number of the person you know
• Two things are for sure: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the first one.
• My plastic plants died because I didn't seem to water them.
• Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
• I hate being bipolar, it's a great feeling.
• Love at first sight ends at the second.
• The bad thing is not living in the clouds, but going down.
• Inappropriate is fun to me. Being rude is hilarious.
• The first time I sang in church; two hundred people changed their religion.
• I'm not lazy, I'm in energy saving mode.
• Time is precious, waste it wisely.
• Facebook-wasting time since 2004.
• The only reason I'm fat is because this little body can't handle such a personality.
• The best things in life make you fat, get drunk, or get pregnant.
• Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can't laugh, call me and I'll laugh at you.
• Like cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere.
• Everything is fun, as long as it happens to someone else.
• Don't think that you are an ugly person, think that you are a beautiful monkey.

We hope that you have liked all these funny phrases, and we remind you that the best thing you can do is share them with your friends, family and in general with all the dear people around you, and of course that you enjoy them every day, and is that think that we have many years of life ahead of us, and there is no better way to live it than with a touch of humor and a little happiness.