Most people tend to look for phrases on various topics such as improvement, motivation, reflection, among others. However, there are also funny quotes and fun that can make us have a good time; either to read alone or with other people, as well as use them on our social networks to give a touch of humor to our publications.
The best funny humor phrases
Our lives can sometimes be complicated or we just pay attention to tasks all day and don't take time to laugh. That is why we wanted to collect these funny phrases with a touch of humor; since we are sure that more than one of them will make you get at least one smile. In addition, you will be surprised to see famous person phrases with this touch of humor.
- Of course I understand. Even a five year old could understand it. Bring me a five year old kid!!! - Groucho Marx.
- I know hundreds of husbands who would be happy to go home without a wife waiting for them. Remove the wives from the marriage and there will be no divorce. - Groucho Marx.
- I am so smart that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying. - Oscar Wilde.
- You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you do have to be stupid not to. - Louis CK
- Pay the bill? What an absurd custom! - Groucho Marx.
- See, the problem is that God gave man a brain and a penis, and just enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams.
- Room Service? Give me a bigger room. - Groucho Marx.
- Humor is the instinct to take pain as a joke. - Max Eastman.
- I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. - Samuel Goldwyn.
- The wise speak because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. - Plato
- Anyone can be homeless; all it takes is the right woman, the right bar, and the right friends. - Bill Hicks.
- It is incredible that the news that occurs in the world every day always fits in the newspaper. - Jerry Seinfield.
- Santa Claus had the right idea: he visits people once a year. - Victor Borge.
- I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize that I should have been more specific. - Lily Tomlin.
- I'd love to kiss you but I just washed my hair. - Bette Davis.
- To procrastinate is to keep up with yesterday's rhythm. - Don Marquis.
- Get facts first, then you can distort them to your liking. - Mark Twain.
- God will forgive me: it is his office. - Heinrich Heine.
- He used to sell furniture for living. The problem is, they were mine. - Les Dawson.
- I admit that many of my jokes are very idiotic. I admit my part of the blame in the process of idiotization of the country. - Jim Carrey.
- These are my principles. If you do not like, I have others. - Groucho Marx.
- Dear math, please grow up and solve the problems for me. I'm tired of solving them for you. - Anonymous.
- You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, which doesn't say much in your favor. - Groucho Marx.
- When I die I want to be cremated and ten percent of my ashes to be dumped on my employer. - Groucho Marx.
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am because I hate plants. - Whitney Brown.
- I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I retreat to another room and read a book. - Groucho Marx.
- A good listener often thinks about something else. - Kin Hubbar.
- At parties you never sit down, someone you don't like can sit next to you. - Groucho Marx.
- Being on a ship is like being in a prison with the possibility of drowning. - Groucho Marx.
- The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, which means ability to, and bic, which means to endure tremendous boredom. - Dave Barry.
- I spent a year in that town, on a Sunday. - George Burns.
- The clearest indication that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never attempted to contact us. - Calvin and Hobbes.
- Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals like hydrogen and oxygen, for example, we would be unable to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry.
- Laugh and the world will laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess.
- Don't worry, the worst day of your life will only last 24 hours. - Anonymous.
- Life is no longer a joke to me; I do not see grace. - Charles Chaplin
- It is better to be quiet and look silly, than to speak up and clear your doubts for good. - Groucho Marx.
- Be careful reading health books. You could die from a mistake. - Mark Twain.
- A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill.
- Some things are better left unsaid. But I'll get drunk and say them anyway. - Anonymous.
- Laugh and the world will laugh with you; cry and the world, turning its back on you, will let you cry. - Charles Chaplin
- Outside of the dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it's probably too dark to read. - Groucho Marx.
- Then the policeman arrives: "Say the alphabet backwards." Well, what shall we do to him, he got me. I'm not drunk, but I'm obviously too stupid to be driving. - Bill Hicks.
- There are those who break watches to kill time. - Woody Allen.
- A successful man is one who earns more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner.
- It is always black before it becomes absolutely dark. - Paul Newman.
- The only thing I regret in this life is that I am not another. - Woody Allen
- If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks.
- The bad thing about love is that many confuse it with gastritis and, when they are cured of the indisposition, they find that they have married. - Groucho Marx
- Humor is the highest manifestation of the adaptation mechanisms of the individual. - Sigmund Freud.
- He can look like an idiot and act like an idiot. But don't be fooled. He's really an idiot. - Groucho Marx.
- I believe in luck. How else to explain the success of those you do not like? -Jean Cocteau.
- I actually have an athletic body. I have to try really hard to look fat. - - Will Ferrell.
- I can't understand why a person would spend a year writing a novel when they can easily buy one for a few dollars. - Fred Allen.
- There are so many things in life more important than money ... but they cost so much! - Groucho Marx.
- The only time a woman can be successful in changing a man is when he is a baby. "Natalie Wood."
- The first time I sang in church; two hundred people changed their religion. —Fred Allen.
- First the doctor told me the good news: I am going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin.
- If the mountain comes to you, run, because it is collapsing. - Anonymous.
- The universe is just a fleeting thought in the mind of God. Something quite disconcerting, especially if you just paid the mortgage to buy a house. - Woody Allen
- The only bad thing about men is that I don't always have them close to me. - Lana Turner.
- I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand. - Leonardo Dicaprio.
- I used to think I'm indecisive, but now I'm not sure. - Anonymous.
- I am easily satisfied with the best. - Winston Churchill.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. - Fred Allen.
- My son, happiness is made of small things: A small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune ... - Groucho Marx
- Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot. - Groucho Marx.
- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead.
- The secret of life is honesty and fair play, if you can fake that, you've done it. - Groucho Marx.
- I want either more corruption or more opportunity to participate in it. - Ashleigh Brilliant.
- Marriage is a great institution. Of course, if you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx.
- Sex between two people is a beautiful thing; between five is fantastic ... - Woody Allen.
- Sex is the most fun you can do without laughing. - Woody Allen.
- Excuse me if I call you gentlemen, but I don't know you very well. - Groucho Marx.
- Everything is fun, as long as it is happening to someone else. - Will Rogers.
- Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx.
- Don't accept treats from strangers unless they take you somewhere. - Anonymous.
- If it weren't for electricity, we would all be watching television by candlelight. - George Gobal.
- From the moment I picked up his book I fell to the ground rolling with laughter. Someday I hope to read it. - Groucho Marx
- Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin.
- The imagination consoles the human being for what he is not; a sense of humor comforts him for who he is. - Francis Bacon.
- A day without sun is, you know, the night. - Steve Martin.
- Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think… with a deep voice. - Bill Cosby.
- I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment. - Anonymous.
- Quote me saying that I have been misquoted. - Groucho Marx.
- Why do they call it love when they mean sex? - Groucho Marx.
- Sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. - Woody Allen.
- I must confess that I was born at a very young age. - Groucho Marx.
- His ignorance is encyclopedic. - Abba Eban.
- If you could kick the person responsible for most of your problems, you couldn't sit down for a month. - Roosevelt.
- I need to sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night. - Bill Hicks.
- If you're going to do something tonight that you feel sorry for tomorrow morning, stay up late. - Henny Youngman.
- It's always fun until someone gets hurt. So it's a lot of fun. - Bill Hicks.
- If you are not successful at first, blame your parents. - Marcelene Cox.
- Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are far better reasons to hate them? - Denis Leary.
- Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it to be returned to them. - Anonymous.
- Humor is possibly a word; I use it constantly and I am crazy about it. Someday I will find out what it means. - Groucho Marx
- Nietzsche says that we will live the same life again, God, then I will have to see my insurance agent again. - Woody Allen.
- Not even the Last Supper with the original cast could fill this room. - Woody Allen.
- Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einsten.
- Comedy is just a fun way to be serious. - Peter Ustinov.
- My plastic plants died because I didn't seem to water them. "Mitch Hedberg."
- I haven't spoken to my wife in years. He didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield.
- The only thing stopping God from sending us another flood is that the first one didn't work. - Nicholas Chamfort.
- A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one individually believes. - Abba Eban.
- They say that marriage is made in heaven. But also lightning and thunder. - Clint Eastwood.
- Money does not bring happiness, but it provides such a similar sensation that you need a highly advanced specialist to verify the difference. - Woody Allen.
- Why was I with that woman? Because it reminds me of you. In fact, it reminds me of you more than you. - Groucho Marx.
- Money is better than poverty, even if it's only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen.
- It is said in Hollywood that you should always forgive your enemies, because you never know when you will have to work with them. - Lana Turner.
- If the phone doesn't ring it's me. "Jimmy Buffet."
- Bigamy is having a wife many times. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde.
- The echo always say the last word. - Woody Allen.
- I refuse to be part of a club that has me as a member. - Groucho Marx.
- My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I asked for a second opinion. He told me it was ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield.
- I looked at my family tree and found that I was the toad. - Rodney Dangerfield.
- When I was born, I owed twelve dollars. - George S. Kaufman.
These are all the funny phrases that we could find for you. We hope they have been able to brighten your day or change your mood, in case you were negative when you first entered this article. Remember that life without laughter or grace is not life.