Most parents or those who are close to doing so, have great doubts about how to educate a child or daughter; since it is the most difficult task they have and in which most often make mistakes. Nobody is perfect nor is there a way to educate or raise above others. However, there are different tips, techniques or methods that can guide you to give them a good education, which is what we will talk about next.
Learn to educate your children effectively
The first thing we can tell you is that you don't try so hard to educate them, that is, it's okay to worry as much as possible; but sometimes we tend to overdo it and achieve the opposite results (which is what we want to avoid): trauma and disorders. For this reason, we will start with some aspects that you should take into account before starting your children's education.
Why shouldn't you worry or overexert yourself?
- Trying too hard will not prevent them from having trauma or disturbances. In addition, by having the fear that this happens, you can acquire behaviors that attract these consequences. Although since 1970 it has been great emphasis on parenting (known as parenting in English), these facts mentioned have not been reduced; therefore, the techniques or methods that are used now are not going to avoid it. However, the tips that we will give you later will help you reduce the possibilities.
- According to studies, being more concerned when educating a child does not mean that you will improve their health (behavioral and mental). You must bear in mind that it is like a medicine, that is, a necessary dose is needed to achieve good results, but if you increase it you will also be increasing the side effects and complications.
- It is counterproductive to monitor every aspect of our children's lives, especially when they are in more advanced stages such as pre-adolescence and adolescence. If you try too hard to educate them, you won't be able to change them. All children are different and do not have the same tastes, so if he does not like sports or piano lessons, do not worry. On the other hand, if the parenting is not as you would have wanted, it does not mean that it is your fault.
What are the most common mistakes when educating a daughter or son?
As we mentioned earlier, in all parenting there are flaws and you are not exempt from them when educating a child, since you are not perfect. Below we will show you some of the most frequent failures so that you can try to work on it when raising a child.
- Not acknowledging its positive aspects is a huge failure. Sometimes we just pay attention to their flaws or weaknesses to correct them; leaving aside its virtues. This is a big problem, as we must also focus on recognizing their strengths and trying to make them exploit to the fullest.
- One of the most common problems is not listening to the child. Sometimes we think that because they are young, they do not have the right to express themselves or give their opinion. You must let them express themselves and tell you everything they think or feel by listening patiently.
- Another of the most common problems is not respecting their personality. Many times we think that we can make them in our image or likeness, that they look like their brother, the neighbor's son, among others. However, each child is unique and each has their own personality.
- Not communicate It is one of the biggest failures, since it will be more difficult for them to open in stages such as adolescence or in difficult situations that can have negative consequences. You should talk to him and that he feels comfortable talking to you.
There are other faults such as over-protection, comparison, excessive consent and many more; But we prefer to touch each topic in a broader way in the tips to educate a son or daughter that we will show you below.
Tips on how to raise a child
Lead by example
Sometimes we think that just by giving sermons we can make our children learn. However, nothing is more effective than leading by example. If you want your child to learn to greet correctly, not swear, respect the rules of behavior at the table, learn about responsibilities or even respect traffic rules (for older ages), among others; then you will have to do it.
Communication is a fundamental pillar
We mentioned it as one of the biggest failures. Communication is the fundamental basis of any relationship, be it parent-child, partners or friends. Therefore, we recommend the following:
- Talk to him and be expressive, having both of you see his expressions is a great way to see how he feels in each situation. That way you can know when you have a problem, if something affects you, among other things.
- Never put communication aside even if it grows. Depending on your personality, you may be able to be a little more closed when you start to go through more difficult stages; But if you are always there for him, it can be a momentary attitude.
- Ask him what he thinks about a topic or what his opinion is. You will be giving importance to what he thinks, at the same time that you will motivate him to express himself.
- Learn to listen. Communication is not just that you talk to him, but that both of you do.
Set limits
There are limits in all sites, as in specific situations. You must teach him what these limits are so that he can be measured depending on the place and situation.
- You will have to explain to him how reactions and feelings are connected; as well as preventing that connection from causing them to exceed the limits. We don't want him to yell and kick when you or a teacher scolds him for having done something wrong, for example.
- When learning how to raise a child, you also have to teach you the consequences of your actions. For example, by not picking up clutter after playing or not doing homework that was sent to him from school.
- You can give him participation in the inclusion of some rules or norms of the house. For example, choosing tasks to help with or setting a snack time.
Allow it to be wrong
We have all experienced and failed. The problem is that many times we think that we can protect our children from failing by forbidding them to do certain things. However, although this is impossible unless we have it enclosed in a glass box; the idea is that they can learn through trial and error.
On the other hand, in this case when educating a child, we can make the fall less hard on some occasions. Giving you advice to cope with a situation, indicating that there may be some consequence, among other things. When it fails, it will know you were right and although it may not admit it, it will pay more attention to the advice you give it in the future. Although, we recommend that you do not attack with negative comments to avoid failing, since if it fails, this attitude can be taken with different aspects of your life and it would be a big problem for both of you.
Encourage him and do not compare him with others
We have already said that a great failure is to attack its negative points or weaknesses; which would be practically the same as comparing him with others, like his brother, the neighbor's son or you when you were his age. Each child is different and has his own abilities, so try to motivate him to develop them to the maximum and help him with any difficulties he may have; The latter does not mean that you do everything for him, give him the necessary tools.
- Don't use comparison phrases like 'you are just like the son of (such a movie, where it is seen that he is spoiled and ungrateful)«.
- Avoid generalizing at all costs. If the children in their class can handle a task and yours cannot, perhaps that subject is a weak point (usually it happens in sports or math); so you could take more effective actions, such as enrolling him in private classes. However, remember to take it all in a positive way.
Recognize that you can also be wrong
Maybe you shouldn't have scold him for doing something or yell at him one day when you were stressed. When educating a child, they also help us educate ourselves. For this reason, you must learn to recognize your mistakes and mistakes, something that your child will not only make him feel better (since he was right that you shouldn't yell at him, for example); But you will also learn that we all make mistakes and can rectify things, which will be of great help to you throughout your life.
Spend quality time
When we don't spend quality time with our children, they tend to engage in negative behaviors to get our attention. So you must organize yourself in the best way not only to meet their basic needs, but also to spend quality time with the.
- You need time to talk or chat about the day you both had.
- Play with him or take him to the park, weigh, eat an ice cream or even watch a movie at home.
- Sometimes they really need help with their homework; While in other cases, sitting with them just in case they have any doubts will make them feel good.
There are many moments that we can spend quality time with our children that would be difficult to list. The fact is that you will have to organize your schedule so that you can offer as much as possible (but also not be on top of him all the time). If your work is strong enough, you can explain the situation to him and teach him that this time is what you can offer him; once again, don't forget communication when raising a child.
Learn to say "no" and avoid giving it your all
One of the most common problems is that we tend to fill our gaps in childhood with our children. This means that if we didn't have the best toys and everything we wanted, then we want our child to have it.
- You will have to teach him the value of things. If, for example, you buy him a phone every time he loses or breaks it, he will not understand what its true value is.
- You can't always say YES to everything your child asks of you. Since this attitude will result in what is known as "spoiled." We usually do it to avoid their attitudes and behaviors; But the problem is that every time you or someone refuses to give or do what they ask for, they will behave negatively.
These are the best tips on how to educate a child that we can give you; as well as the common mistakes and why you shouldn't push yourself too hard when doing it. We hope that the article has been to your liking and that you help to spread it on social networks to prevent parents from making these frequent mistakes.