I have a friend to whom I have become attached a lot lately and he suffers from depression, the thing is that he feels something stronger for me, but I still do not correspond to him because of the depression problem that I feel is already affecting me.
I always take care of him in the way I can, I try to distract him in such a way that he confesses to me that when he is with me he feels a certain "peace" that I calm him when he is desperate.
He goes to the doctor, a psychiatrist to be specific, he has been in different treatments that worked for him before but now they do not seem to have the same effect and he is already so desperate that he cuts his arms and wants to die, this worries me a lot, I even told him that I would go with him to the doctor at his next appointment so that he is not alone, I sincerely appreciate him very much and I cannot bear to see how he suffers, and this is affecting me in a way that I am afraid that he will realize how bad I feel for him and think that he is only a hindrance in everyone's life and that the only thing he serves is to make me feel bad.
I appreciate any responses in advance and hope they help me.
Hello,
First of all, I want to thank you very much for getting in touch with us and explaining your case to us.
I think that although you focus your attention on your friend, because of the way you express yourself, there are three lines of therapeutic work that must be carried out.
First of all, and one of your concerns, is the mood of your friend. Undoubtedly, your support is very important and that it surely helps him enormously to move forward. The depressive mood is characterized by negatively interpreting everything that happens in our lives and if he says that in your presence he feels better, it is surely because he really places a lot of importance on this support. It is very positive that you go to a psychiatrist to treat your state of mind but if you do not progress in your recovery it may be necessary to consider a change of professional. Sometimes not all professionals serve everyone and the simple change from one therapist to another can work miracles.
The second aspect that I think is important to address is your own state of mind. It is very difficult to maintain contact with someone in a depressed mood and always stay positive, it is very similar to the burnout syndrome experienced by caregivers of people who need permanent attention. It is very necessary to maintain good mental hygiene and take great care of yourself personally to be able to offer all our love to our fellow men, it is tiring to always be the positive support and it is easy to fall into despair if we see that our efforts to encourage do not work. That is why I encourage you to take care of yourself, for yourself and at the same time to better help your friend.
The third aspect that you must deal with is related to your relationship. From what you say, there seems to be a very strong esteem between the two of you and that is conditioned by your friend's emotional problems since you see them as a brake on the one hand to correspond more to him or to really show him how you feel (for fear of hurting him if see that you are also emotionally affected). I think you will have to work together your relationship to explore how it can help you in a positive way and extract the good from being together as well as overcome those aspects that can affect you emotionally in a negative way.
Thank you so much for taking the time and replying to me, I hadn't had time to read your reply. I tell him that I am still in the battle with my friend, although sometimes I think it gets worse /: and I admit that I am very afraid that he will do something and lose it forever. About changing his medical opinion, and trying another doctor, I have told him, but the problem is that his family has very few resources and they do what little they can. Thanks again for your time.