Shyness has nothing to do with introversion. An introvert decides to be apart from others, he needs to spend time alone in order to recharge his energy and improve his emotions. In contrast, a shy person spends more time alone than they would like and their emotions are affected. He lacks social and communication skills to be able to interact successfully with others, something that causes him insecurity and many social fears.
A person who is shy does not want to be. Because by having this attitude towards relationships with others, you have a hard time and it becomes a downward spiral of emotional discomfort that it does not allow them to relate to their surroundings as they really would like.
If you think that you are a shy person and that you want to interact more with others, but you don't know how to do it ... Then this little guide to stop being shy will be useful for you to achieve the goal you want: relate more and better and without the need to go through anxiety every time you try.
Explore why you are shy
The causes can be many and varied but it is necessary that you know why you are a shy person and why you have such a bad time because of it. Reflecting on the root cause of your shyness can help you become aware of and accept who you really are. For example, if you think you are shy about something that happened to you a long time ago, it may be time to seek professional help to overcome those circumstances and memories. Once you learn to process what happened in the past, You will be able to move on with your life and overcome your feelings of shyness.
If you think it has to do with your education, examine your relationship with your parents now. Are they still dominant? Alternatively, are they shy? Another thing that may have happened in your childhood that affects you as an adult is that other people label you as shy. Often times, people are shy when they are little, and then they grow up and think they have to stay that way because it is part of their personality. Unfortunately, some people stick to that label and continue to treat others whom they consider to be "shy" as children, even if your personality has gotten over it. You must recognize that shyness is something you can overcome in life. It doesn't have to be a static feature that lasts forever.
Think "out"
Shyness makes you engrossed. This is descriptive, not critical. Shy people may feel like they have "nothing to say," that they should have amazing stories to tell and be the life and life of the party. But consider this: Overcoming shyness isn't about suddenly thinking you're cool. It's more about forgetting yourself and focusing outward.
Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions like: "How do you know Jaime?" (if he is the one who organized the party). When you start a conversation with another person, you will have something to talk about, you have to give others the opportunity to talk about themselves and take the attention away from yourself.
Put on a social mask
The first step to being more social is putting on a social mask. This does not mean that you should be a fake person with those around you, far from it. With a social mask you can be yourself without fear or insecurities. What it is about is talking to others as if you were an outgoing person, a person who is able to strike up a conversation without feeling nervous.
You may think that this is impossible for you right now, but nothing could be further from the truth. You will have to look at how those people you admire so much relate to others, and then do the same. The secret is, above all, in knowing what to say without having to be transcendent. You can ask where a person bought the shirt they are wearing because do you like color or think of any other topic that can lead to the beginning of a conversation.
In this way, it may be difficult for you to take the first step, but once you do it and get it, then you will realize that it is not that complicated and the following times it will be easier and easier. You will realize how with "that mask" which is actually pretending at first that you are an extrovert, little by little it will become part of you, until finally, you don't have to you wear that mask in your social interactions because it will have become part of your personality.
You have to be prepared
Once the shyness is gone, you won't need to do this; But while you still feel shy, practice preparing conversation starters. If you have an idea of the type of people who are going to be in a meeting, you will have to do “your homework”. If many of them are boating enthusiasts, for example: Google the local boating club, discover the local boating routes, prepare some questions to ask about boating. If you feel shy at work, look for interesting news over the weekend and have them for conversation on Monday.
You will have to get used to remembering what people have told you to serve as future conversation starters ... although remember that overcoming shyness is not only talking more, It is a feeling that must awaken within you.
Non-verbal language is also important
Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, distant, or "dry." Shyness can make us seem unapproachable. If you smile more you will be more attractive to others and It will be easier for you to strike up a conversation with other people who smile.
Another benefit is that smiling even when you don't feel well at all, is that that smile can make it become a real one because you will automatically feel that things are going better, your brain will think that everything is going well. An important point here: if you smile at someone and they don't smile back, that's not your problem. You can't make anyone accept our kindness but that shouldn't take away your strength.