Funny phrases to share with your friends

We have prepared a complete list with funny phrases that you are going to be able to share with your friends and, above all, they will help you open a new smile every day to prevent stress from taking over you.

Enjoy your daily dose of humor

First of all, we strongly recommend that, on a daily basis, you enjoy the humor to satisfy your needs and energies, and we know that in today's society it is quite difficult to overcome every week with all those responsibilities and problems that arise and we are forced to solve every two by three.

This causes stress to accumulate little by little to the point where it can affect us very negatively in terms of health, and that is where we do not have to go, that is, If you incorporate humor into your day to day, you will see that it is much more complicated for all these problems to affect us, with which we are going to enjoy a higher quality of life and of course also a much higher psychological health.

So now you know, you can save this page in your bookmarks in order to consult even a couple of sentences every day, so that you will see how this small dose helps you feel much better and of course recharge your batteries to move on. .

And of course we also recommend that you share them with your friends, because if we manage to create an environment with more humor, you will be able to see how the problems are less and in general we will live a much happier and more positive life.

List with funny phrases to share

Without further ado on our part, we present you a complete list with funny phrases and funny phrases so that you have your daily mood recharge always at hand.

• I hate housework! You make the beds, clean the dishes, and six months later you have to start over.
• Pay the bill? What an absurd custom!
• Why do they call it love when they want to say sex?
• Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are far better reasons to hate them?
• Why was I with that woman? Because it reminds me of you. In fact, it reminds me of you more than you.
• Room Service? Put me a bigger room.
• Some things are better left unsaid. But I'll get drunk and say them anyway.
• I love deadlines. I like the hissing sound they make when flying away.
• Before rejecting your questions, I declare to be open.
• Quote me saying that I have been misquoted.
• Of course I understand. Even a five year old could understand it. Bring me a five years old child!
• Like cake because it's someone's birthday somewhere.
• I buy expensive suits. They just seem cheap on me.
• I know hundreds of husbands who would be happy to return home unless there was a wife waiting for them. Remove the wives from marriage and there will be no divorce.
• I believe in luck. How else to explain the success of those you don't like?
• I think if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find someone to whom life gives vodka and throw a party.
• Anyone can be homeless; all it takes is the right woman, the right bar, and the right friends.
• Anyone who says they can see through women is missing a lot of things.
• When you are in love it is the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
• When I die I want to be cremated and that ten percent of my ashes are poured on my businessman.
• When I was born, I owed twelve dollars.
• When I was a child, the Dead Sea was just sick.
• I actually have an athletic body. I have to try really hard to look fat.
• I must confess that I was born at a very young age.
• From the moment I picked up his book I fell to the floor rolling with laughter. Someday I hope to read it.
• Behind every great man is a great woman. Behind her, is his wife.
• They say that marriage is made in heaven. But also lightning and thunder.
• God will forgive me: it is his office.
• Sorry if I call you gentlemen, but I don't know you very well.
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and i'm not sure about the universe.
• Love at first sight ends at the second.
• Money does not bring happiness, but it provides such a similar sensation that you need a highly advanced specialist to verify the difference.
• Humor is the instinct to take pain as a joke.
• Humor is the highest manifestation of the adaptation mechanisms of the individual.
• Marriage is a great institution. Of course, if you like living in an institution.
• The world is running out of geniuses: Einstein died, Beethoven went deaf ... and my head hurts.
• He can look like an idiot and act like an idiot. But don't be fooled. He is really an idiot.
• The secret of life is honesty and fair play, if you can simulate that, you have succeeded.
• Sex between two people is a beautiful thing; between five is fantastic ...
• Sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
• Sex is the most fun you can do without laughing.
• Time is precious, waste it wisely.
• The only time a woman can be successful in changing a man is when he is a baby.
• The universe is just a fleeting thought in the mind of God. Something quite disconcerting, especially if you just paid the mortgage to buy a house.
• Wine is proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
• At parties you never feel, someone you don't like can sit next to you.
• I found that there is only one way to appear skinny: dating fat people.
• I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I retire to another room and read a book.
• Then the policeman arrives: "Say the alphabet backwards." Well, what shall we do to him, he got me. I'm not drunk, but I'm obviously too stupid to be driving.

• It is incredible that the news that occurs in the world every day always fits in the newspaper.
• It is better to be quiet and look silly, than to speak and clear doubts definitely.
• You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, which does not say much in your favor.
• It's okay for everyone to line up alphabetically according to their height.
• Being on a ship is like being in a jail with the possibility of drowning.
• These are my principles. If you do not like, I have others.
• I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
• Outside the dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside the dog it is probably too dark to read.
• There are two words that will open many doors for you: “push and pull”.
• There are those who break watches to kill time.
• There are so many things in life more important than money ... but they cost so much!
• I have tried not knowing anything about many things and have been quite successful.
• My son, happiness is made of small things: A small yacht, a small mansion, a small fortune ...
• Humor is possibly a word; I use it constantly and I am crazy about it. Someday I will find out what it means.
• Bigamy is having a wife many times. Monogamy is the same.
• The cure for an obsession: get another.
• Age is something that does not matter, unless you are a cheese.
• People who think they know everything are a great nuisance to those who do know everything.
• The imagination consoles the human being for what he is not; a sense of humor comforts him for who he is.
• Sexual inactivity is dangerous, it produces horns.
• The clearest indication that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never attempted to contact us.
• Japanese music is a Chinese torture.
• Laziness is the mother of all vices, and like the mother, she must be respected.
• The first time I sang in church; two hundred people changed their religion.
• Television is gum for the eyes.
• the television is more interesting than the people. If it were not, we would have people positioned in the corners of the room, instead of a television.
• The only reason I'm fat is because this little body can't handle such a personality.
• Life is too short to be serious all the time. If you can't laugh, call me and I'll laugh at you.
• Life is no longer a joke to me; I do not see grace.
• The best things in life make you fat, get drunk, or get pregnant.
• Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think… with a deep voice.
• Comedy is just a fun way to be serious.
• The important thing is not to know, but to have the phone number of the person you know.
• Inappropriate is fun to me. Being rude is hilarious.
• The bad thing about love is that many confuse it with gastritis and, when they have been cured of indisposition, they find that they have married.
• The bad thing is not living in the clouds, but going down.
• The superfluous, something very necessary.
• The only thing I regret in this life is that I am not another.
• The only bad thing about men is that I don't always have them close to me.
• The only thing stopping God from sending us another flood is that the first one didn't work.
• Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
• Men are only as loyal as their options.
• The wise speak because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. Plato
• I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and asked for a second opinion. He told me that he was also ugly.
• See, the problem is that God gave man a brain and a penis, and just enough blood to run one at a time.
• I looked at my family tree and found that I was the toad.
• My plastic plants died because I didn't seem to water them.
• I was born in very sad circumstances. Both of my parents were very sad.
• I need to sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.
• Not even the Last Supper with the original cast could fill this room.
• Nietzsche says that we will live the same life again, God, then I will have to see my insurance agent again.
• Don't accept treats from strangers unless they take you somewhere.
• I do not believe in life after death, although I will take a change of underwear.
• I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
• I don't doubt that I deserved my enemies, but I don't think I deserved my friends.
• I have not spoken to my wife in years. I did not want to interrupt her.
• I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve it either.
• I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder that does it for me.
• Don't think that you are an ugly person, think that you are a beautiful monkey.
• There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
• I can't understand why a person would spend a year writing a novel when they can easily buy one for a few dollars.
• I'm not lazy, I'm in energy saving mode.
• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am because I hate plants.
• Don't worry about avoiding temptations. As you get older they will avoid you.
• Don't worry, the worst day of your life will only last 24 hours.
• Don't take life too seriously. You will not get out of it alive.
• You don't have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you do have to be stupid not to.
• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals like hydrogen and oxygen, for example, we would be unable to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
• I never drink water because of the nasty things fish do in it.
• I never said most of the things that I said.
• Never hit a fallen man, he can get up.
• Get facts first, then you can distort them to your liking.
• I hate being bipolar, it's a great feeling.
• Borrow money from a pessimist. They don't expect it to be returned to them.
• First the doctor told me the good news: I am going to have a disease named after me.
• To procrastinate is to keep up with yesterday's rhythm.
• Dear math, please grow up and solve the problems for me. I'm tired of solving them for you.

• I want either more corruption or more opportunity to participate in it.
• Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
• I refuse to be part of a club that has me as a member.
• I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
• Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
• Laugh and the world will laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone.
• Laugh and the world will laugh with you; cry and the world, turning its back on you, will let you cry.
• Santa Claus had the right idea: he visits people once a year.
• It is said in Hollywood that you should always forgive your enemies, because you never know when you will have to work with them.
• It takes a lot of knowledge to realize the degree of your own ignorance.
• If you are not successful at first, blame your parents.
• If someone throws a stone at you, show them that you are not the same and throw a brick at them.
• If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
• If the phone doesn't ring it's me.
• If the mountain comes to you, run, because it is collapsing.
• If it were not for electricity, we would all be watching television with candles.
• If you could kick the person responsible for most of your problems, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a month.
• If you want them to think you are a liar, always tell the truth.
• If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman; it will be all ears.
• If you're going to do something tonight that you feel sorry for tomorrow morning, stay up late.
• If you live 100 years, you have made it. Few people die after that age.
• It's always fun until someone gets hurt. Then it is very fun.
• It is always black before it becomes absolutely dark.
• I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize that I should have been more specific.
• I used to run, but ice cubes were falling out of my glass.
• I used to think I'm indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
• I used to sell furniture to live. The problem is that they were mine.
• There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
• Only the mediocre are always at their best.
• Only those who have eaten garlic can give us a word of encouragement.
• I am easily satisfied with the best.
• I am so intelligent that sometimes I do not understand a simple word of what I am saying.
• His ignorance is encyclopedic.
• I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that the toys in my bathroom were a toaster and a radio.
• Be careful reading health books. You could die from a mistake.
• I have to go to the eye doctor, but I never see the moment.
• Every woman can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
• All generalizations are false, including this one.
• Everything is fun, as long as it is happening to someone else.
• Everything is fun, as long as it happens to someone else.
• Your future depends on your dreams… don't waste your time and go back to sleep…!
• A good listener often thinks about something else.
• A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one individually believes.
• A day without sun is, you know, the night.
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
• A pessimist is a person who has listened to too many optimists.
• A vegetarian is a person who will not eat anything that can have children.
• A joke is a very serious thing.
• A celebrity is a person who works all his life to be known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
• One conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
• I saw a woman wearing a hoodie that said Guess. Said; Thyroid problems?

And this is all for now, so you know, by reading one or two of these sentences every day, you will see how you feel much better and your life begins to improve as well as the problems diminish as if by magic. You must not forget that many of these phrases have a meaning inside them, so that we are not only going to laugh with them, but we are also going to learn some life lessons that it is not bad for us to know.