"Isolation, control, uncertainty, repetition of the message and manipulation emotional are techniques used to wash the brain.”Eduard Punset.
Before seeing these 9 tips for dealing with manipulative people, I invite you to watch this short one minute video entitled "Psychologically Abusing Someone."
YOU MAY BE INTERESTED IN THIS VIDEO «This is how Steve Jobs thought»
9 tips for dealing with manipulative people
1 Know our Fundamental rights
The single most important guideline when dealing with a manipulative person is to know our rights, and to recognize when they are being violated. As long as it doesn't harm others, we have the right to stand up and defend our rights.
We have the right to: Be treated with respect, express our feelings and opinions, set our priorities, refuse something, differ in opinions, take care of ourselves, set limits and be happy.
2 Understand the characteristics of a manipulative person
The observation of their behaviors is essential, since they are not always very evident to the naked eye, but little by little we can discover them and if we have patience, they themselves will reveal their true intentions.
3 Try to change ourselves, not the manipulator
We must focus on not being vulnerable and easy targets for a manipulator, it is easier for us to change than for them to change.
Another change that we can make is in the dynamic that is established between us and the manipulators, altering this dynamic makes the manipulators stop having control and thus often give up their manipulative intentions.
4 Keep distance
One way to detect a manipulator is to see if a person acts with different faces in front of different people and in different situations. When this type of behavior is observed, the most advisable thing is to maintain a healthy distance and avoid getting too involved with that person, since otherwise we can be affected.
5 Avoid making it personal
The manipulator seeks to exploit our weaknesses, it can make us feel inadequate or even guilty, for this it is important to remember that we are not the problem nor are we to blame, they are simply trying to make us feel bad or guilty to gain more power and control over us. We must think about whether the other person's demands are reasonable, whether we feel good about ourselves being with that person, and whether we are being respected.
Focus on them by asking probing questions
Inevitably, psychological manipulators will make requests (or demands) of us, these often focus on satisfying their own desires. We must pay attention to whether the requests are reasonable, sometimes it is useful to focus on them and ask them if they can recognize the unreasonableness of their request, by doing this we put a mirror on them to see if they can recognize their intentions and withdraw the request.
7 take our time
Manipulators often expect an answer immediately and apply pressure by reducing the time they give to receive the answer.. Distancing yourself from the influence of the manipulator to think before giving an answer usually helps us decide better, since we can evaluate the pros and cons with greater peace of mind.
8 Learn to say "No" diplomatically
Making one of an assertive communication allows us to more easily express our wishes, without our decision being violated. We should not be afraid to deny ourselves something, nor feel guilty for not meeting someone else's demands.
9 To confront
Staying passive and docile makes it easier for manipulators to exert influence over us, as they will find us weak, so we must be strong and secure when defending our rights.
Confronting someone puts us in a safe position and takes us out of vulnerability, since by facing them we make them see that we are aware of their purpose and that their manipulation strategies are not going unnoticed.
Sources:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201406/how-spot-and-stop-manipulators
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior
Excellent article Dolores. Have you corroborated that my ex was in fact a manipulator at best.
Thank you, you are a success !!
The definition of the manipulator is very good, I have a 35-year-old son who every time he ends up with his girlfriend, he calls me and insults me as he wants and says that I am the asshole, when I don't even get into his relationships and he manipulates me, attempting his life And telling me that he denies me as his mother, the truth is I don't know what to do, that's why I'm writing here to see how they can guide me, he is a very successful professional but he has given him a fixation or obsession for the girl who does not want to continue with him, for his behavior with her a thousand thanks
If he says that he is going to kill himself, tell him to jump from the fourth floor of the balcony but to make sure not to fall on a car because he will have to pay for the damaged car, if not, go directly over the high voltage cables and he launched himself but he has to have a precise aim since he would hurt himself being left without a leg when he fell because he would fracture or with his head or face marked for all his life ... but if he does not die electrocuted they would take him to the asylum for moronic that is the easier way to die and they will see that I did not even try ,,,,, otherwise if you are going to take pills what will happen to you is that your stomach is perforated and you have to slit with a scalpel and cut the part of his intestine that is perforated and he would not look very funny when he went to bed with his girlfriend so he chooses which way suits him….
Applause, you made my day !!!!
Something like that I said to an ex who threatened to jump off a bridge if I left him.
I told…. Call me if you need a push and motivation to do it.
unfortunately I have met two manipulative people in my life and it has been a horrible experience since they know how to make you feel bad and I am one of those people that I do not like to cause people pain, but since it is the second time that I meet someone like that , I would like to unmask her since I do not intend to cause her any harm, I just want her to be exposed as she really is
Ufff something will help me the advice I have a neighbor, for many years. but according to him we are friends. And now that I am more time at home because I am unemployed and I live in a country house. Sometimes it saturates me That has me fried. In the past I have missed a lot. By controller GETA MANIPULATOR AND FANTASMON. He goes as if he were the protagonist of the movie. Lately she has been left by a son she has. And I only have peace when they are not there. Or they sleep. I don't tell him anything anymore. It is like talking to a wall and the truth is that when he wants and can help me in my house that this old woman But it makes my head like a bass drum I isolate myself with music so as not to hear it, he speaks almost every day on the phone with a loud cry. I am not interested. they are all boastful.
Anyway, the best thing is not to jump. what I want is to run away. because I am too direct and I am not interested in being bad. but I feel like it. how I answered his call draws me out and makes me dizzy. What I think is avoiding him. It's complicated because he's smart. I've been here my whole life and he seems to already know everyone. Me. I am more shy. Anyway, I am quite to blame. But I'm not that toxic
Uff I have a panic. Because he is a profiteer. I'm going to make a paella for friends and I'm already on the defensive. With him I panic and I will tell him that it is my home and to be a star. Let him do it at home but I want to be more. Diplomatic. I am transparent and that comes from luxury to him. I think it is more false. Live castles in the air. It exhausts me !!! .. But I'm in my home. Well I am not an angel. Thanks for helping me, writing it, something has calmed me
If you want to give me some way of. Control my inertia to send him to the… .. I can't be my neighbor. the others do not even know that they are. This is exhausting. But I have to be wise. Thank you for venting me. Ha. I haven't said we are more or less the same age and we live alone. Anyway
Better known bad than good to know. But if he left. This man will go I repeat Thank you. And excuse me because maybe the sick person is me. You don't have to be obsessive. Anyway, it can always be much worse. .Thanks
Look, you have the upper hand. Nothing goes beyond what one does not want, if it bothers you so much, do not let him enter to help you in your old house…. If you have given him the keys, subtly ask for them or take the key ring and remove your keys, if he arrives as a ghost at the time he feels like it as if it were a hotel at your front door, put a safe inside and a good slllon to not can bid. If the phone rings and you see that it is the best, put in silence and then you review the calls so it does not stun you ... the important calls return them but of the one who makes you dizzy, do not do it ... if he thinks who is the Adonis, leave the phone in silence and go to see what is going to twist the intestine that you do not answer it…. do not allow him to enter your refrigerator and if he does ask him to collaborate and if he does not go and eat out for about 15 days even if it is bread with soda ... when he does not see that your food he is going to tell himself that ... There is no worse person who feels the center of attention without being one ... ask him what intelligent person can spend hours on facebook ... it is wasted time that gamas recovers it and tell him that facebook gave him that time for his usufruct ... maybe I send him a box of peaches or a kilo of meat…. that guy is toxic and toxics don't agree in a relationship because you're always going to be the bad neighbor and he the worried neighbor…
Good morning, yesterday I decided to stop my mother, my husband travels to the United States to work and she sometimes accompanies him and she takes the opportunity to bring things that they give her to sell, well…. At first my husband did it with pleasure, but now it became mandatory after being a favor and not only that is not only my mother but also my cousin, and every weekend they are asking, is your husband going to go? because I have to go and I want to go on Friday because I have to go to wash and come back on Sunday afternoon, when my husband can't go on Friday but on Saturday and come back on Sunday morning, so going back to the beginning of the topic yesterday I told my mother that my husband was going to leave, but to tell my cousin not to wear so many clothes, to cooperate with money for the trip and that on Sunday my husband would leave in the morning, because he did not tell me mm, in everything that I asked her and that hurt me a lot because I feel used and that nothing else matters to bring her things if I do not go to her house to see her once a week she does not try to see me and it is painful because she is my mother, on Sunday we met at my house and since he did not arrive I called him and he said it is that your sister came and I told her that it did not matter what can I do not to feel guilty about what I asked and also how do I not Does it affect if you don't want to see me every time I ignore you? because I need to mature and grow as a person since I am 40 years old, thank you for your response and your help.