The shyness It is a quality that awakens understanding, but reaffirming yourself does not help to overcome it.
We are all shy in some way But when this tendency increases, shyness can become a problem. The shy person is insecure and hesitant, not knowing how to act in a work meeting or a party with friends.
These people often feel different from others., isolated and not very participatory, and although they fight with all their might to be sociable and communicative, they are always looking forward to the end of the social encounter because they feel uncomfortable, fear being wrong and are invaded by paralyzing shame.
The shy man tries to go unnoticed, but on more than one occasion, and precisely for this reason, everyone ends up noticing him, since when he tries to behave in the appropriate way, as he thinks others expect him to do, he loses naturalness and acts in a forced way.
It is also very frequent that those who feel shyness like a weight tend to exaggerated self-criticism and underestimation of their abilities; in fact, the timid themselves are their worst critics and spend their lives demanding more than necessary to try to overcome what they see as a defect, especially in this demanding and competitive society.
What are the causes?
Shyness is forged in childhood. Although there are very shy children, it is in adolescence when a critical moment occurs that can finish modeling this trait.
There is no single factor that determines the formation of shyness but they do exist educational guidelines and relationship models with parents that can foster it. They stand out from them:
1) Excessive overprotection:
People who have had very protective parents, who have not allowed them to relate freely or face problems, have difficulties in taking responsibility for their behavior and doing things for themselves, so that in new or compromising situations they do not have the resources to face them and have low self-esteem.
2) A great overexertion:
When parents demand too much of their children, always being on top of them to do things with a high degree of perfectionism or in the way they see fit, children end up developing a feeling of inferiority and guilt, always feeling insecure, do it. That leads them to a withdrawal in their behavior for fear of doing things wrong or not fulfilling what is expected of them.
3) The shyness of the parents:
Shyness is not inherited but if you have had parents with communication and expression difficulties, with few friends and contacts, the children may follow their example and be not very participatory.
4) Bad experiences:
Having experienced certain situations, such as being criticized or mocked by schoolmates, not being well accepted in a workplace or even a love failure can make the person more withdrawn, shy or reserved.
5) Complexes:
People who feel self-conscious about some physical or psychological limitation (feeling too fat or thin, tall or short, a certain type of nose ...) usually end up enhancing the characteristics of shyness.
9 tips to overcome social shyness.
1) Start small.
Shyness cannot be overcome overnight. It is good to take small steps, setting yourself small goals and. Above all, be persistent. Expose yourself to small encounters or social interactions in a gradual way.
2) Don't fall apart.
Sometimes there are criticisms that hurt us but that's not why you have to break down. It is necessary to overcome those moments in order to move forward.
3) Give yourself a truce.
Don't criticize yourself so much. Relax and be more flexible with yourself.
5) Do not close yourself off.
When you feel that you are falling apart is when you have to fight the most to get ahead and open up to others.
6) You don't take things personally.
When we interact with people, it is normal for discrepancies, disagreements or opinions different from yours to arise. It is not about you, nobody is attacking you. They only see reality in a different way than you.
7) Relaxation is key.
You can not be so tense before a social gathering. You must learn to relax in those moments: you can visualize something in your mind that relaxes you or focus your attention on something that gives you peace.
Body expression should be natural, not forced. Relax your legs, your arms and avoid stiffness.
8) Be natural.
This translates to being yourself. Don't try to be someone you are not. Find your place and settle in. Don't overreact.
Books of interest
1) "Emotional security" by Gael Lindenfield (Ed. Kairós).
2) "Effective communication" by Lair Ribeiro (Ed. Urano).
3) "Sure of you" by Beatrice Poschenrieder (Ed. Robin Book).
By Lourdes Mantilla (psychologist) in Body and mind.
I leave you with A video on some tips for shy people from an expert in verbal communication:
Hello, my name is José Carlos. I liked your article, thanks for the information. I suffered from problems of this type for many years, I couldn't see a way out, I read about it, I did some research, and finally through a friend I decided to try a course, at first with doubts, but the truth is that it helped me a lot.
regards
Don't be too long even though the door is closed, as there may still be doors open one more chance for you
I identify with this article 🙁
But very good article, thank you !!