Willpower: 5 reasons why it fails us

As a complement to my article "What happens when we resist a temptation", published on August 21, 2014, I would like to share with you today the theories of a renowned psychologist and professor at Stanford University, Kelly McGonigal. In this video lesson, Kelly exposes the latest discoveries made on the psychology of willpower. The 5 main reasons why our willpower can end up failing us are summarized below, as well as tips to promote it.

1. When behaving well gives us permission to behave badly ...

What Kelly explains is that paradoxically, When we do a good deed or behave, we feel so good about it that we quickly tend to forget our long-term goals and instead look for an opportunity to indulge ourselves. To illustrate this phenomenon, Kelly says that when we are on a diet and for example we have a very healthy breakfast, we feel so proud of ourselves that almost automatically the belief that we deserve a reward for it arises. Therefore, it will be more likely that we end up having an extra dessert at lunch ...

We forget very easily why we do certain things. When we feel good about ourselves, we suddenly seem to no longer remember whether our behavior is being consistent with our long-term goals.

The mistake we make is that instead of focusing on the consequences we want to achieve with our decisions, We tend to limit our vision to "I'm being good" versus "I'm being bad" judgments about ourselves.

In fact, if, for example, we buy a "bio" chocolate bar instead of a normal chocolate bar, Kelly explains that we will tend to eat it with less regret or guilt (and probably in more quantity as well), justifying ourselves behind the argument that as it is a “bio” product, nothing happens because we are doing a good deed anyway.

The same is true for drivers of hybrid vehicles. According to a study, these "green" people who seem a priori to show a greater awareness regarding the environment, not only drive longer distances, but are also involved in more collisions and receive more traffic fines!

2. Our "future self"

Every time we feel we need to exercise willpower, it is because a part of us actually wants to do something else. To explain our failure in this infighting, Kelly provides us with an extremely interesting explanation, which is that Most of us think of our "future selves" as someone else, a stranger. And this bias is one of the main reasons why our willpower is sabotaged. First, because our motivation to take care of our "future self" will be diminished by not feeling connected to this "future self". And secondly, because for some strange reason, we tend to idealize our "future self". Thus, when we make predictions about our "future self", we tend to have the strange and unreal conviction that we will have more time, more willpower, less stress, and so on. It is a failure of our imagination.

 

3. "Want" versus "feel happy"

Kelly also exposes in this video the difference between "wanting" versus "what makes us happy." We tend to believe that what we want is what makes us happy. However, it is a deception of our brain. In reality, the experience of "wanting" has to do with a chemical called dopamine, which is responsible for making us believe that something is going to make us happy. In addition, stress hormones that are associated with this phenomenon also contribute to promoting the illusion that if we do not get what we want, we are going to die or we are going to have a bad time. In fact, this is what happens in addictions. But the most curious thing about all this is that at the end of the day, what we want so much, in the vast majority of cases it does not even provide us the satisfaction that we anticipate. Our brain makes us believe that we will be happier, but the problem is that it is never enough ...

The experience of wanting something is evolutionarily explained by the fact that our brain is programmed to act in such a way that we lack nothing. This is what happens with food for example. The smell of food automatically puts our brain in this state of "wanting" to make sure we don't starve.

Technology, for example, has been designed to mistakenly convince us that at some point we are going to receive a reward that is going to be crucial to our existence. Hence the mania of checking over and over again, compulsively, our e-mails, messages, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc.

4. The "What the hell effect"

We are human, we can become quite strange ... When we succumb to a temptation (to which we attribute the character of "forbidden"), on many occasions we tend to experience guilt. But instead of this not serving to contain you, the stress caused by such guilt will precipitate us more strongly to relapse into temptation. In short: the greater the sense of guilt, the less resistance to temptations. And guilt will depend in turn on the meaning we give to the object of temptation. From there the importance of being forgiving of ourselves because the more prohibitions we put on ourselves, the bigger the rebound effect will be. Kelly calls this phenomenon the “What the hell effect”, that is, that little internal voice that tells us “I already feel guilty so what does it matter! Since I'm here, I'm going to continue enjoying it ”.

We think that feeling bad and punishing ourselves is what will motivate us to change but what really encourages us to change is when we are able to imagine the good that will result as a consequence of taking a different action aimed at our long-term goals. And we must pay attention to that.

 

5. The effect of stress

Stress is the worst enemy of willpower. Kelly explains that when, for example, on cigarette packages we see the image of “SMOKING KILLS ”, such a message produces such an alarming degree of stress that instead of dissuading us from smoking, the effect is completely opposite.: the urge to smoke is triggered with much more intensity. And since smoking is the strategy we have learned to manage our stress, that is what we will do to counteract our anxiety.

However, willpower is a battle that can be won thanks to the practice of mindfulness: 

Thus, when we pay attention to our immediate experience, we connect directly with the area of ​​the brain in charge of willpower and this allows us to remember our long-term goals. Most of the things we do are irrational, unconscious, or automatic. By endowing our acts of consciousness, we help our willpower to take back the reins. Also, anxiety is not a constant variable, it comes in waves. So sometimes you just have to wait for that wave to pass.

Kelly McGonigal proposes that we choose something that we believe makes us happy and that we check if this premise is really fulfilled, using our full attention (mindfulness). It encourages us to first experience the feeling of “wanting” or craving: what we feel in our body as well as the thoughts and emotions that are associated with it. And then, little by little, consume what we consider our object of temptation (a bite of a piece of cake or a puff of a cigarette). And finally, let's ask ourselves: "Does it satisfy me?" Do I feel happier?

A letter from your "future self":

Imagine yourself in the future. It can be a month, a year, or 10 years from now: whatever seems most convenient for you. And then write a letter to your "current self" on behalf of your "future self."

• Try to recognize and appreciate all that your "current self" has done to reach that "future self". Let your "future self" express gratitude towards your "current self".

• Give the "current me" messages of compassion and wisdom for all the difficulties that have happened or are yet to come.

• And lastly, remind your "present self" of its strengths.

At Stanford University, laboratories are being created to enter a virtual world where soon we can interact with a realistic version of our «future self» in the form of a 3D avatar!

by Jasmine murga