How to be assertive and improve your relationship with yourself and with others

Assertiveness is a necessity that all communication needs to be successful but it is not always achieved. When there is no assertiveness, communication suffers and fluid communication is not always achieved that allows us to establish a good connection with other people, there may even be conflicts that make us feel that communication with others is broken.

On many occasions when communication breaks down, it could have been avoided simply by being more assertive. Although assertiveness is known to be necessary, it is not always easy for people to have it. In most cases, it is not something that comes out innately in communication, but rather you have to work on it so that you learn to be more assertive in this way.

Assertiveness

Before starting to work on being more assertive, First you will have to understand what assertiveness is, because only in this way will you know how to focus on changes. It is not always easy to identify assertive behavior since there is a very thin line between assertiveness and aggression and many people confuse it.

Assertiveness is based on balance and requires honesty with your wants, needs and those of others. With assertiveness, everyone's rights are taken into account. An assertive person will have confidence in themselves and they only try to convey their point of view in a firm, fair and of course, with empathy. On the other hand, there is the aggressiveness where the person only tries to win without taking into account the derechos, interests or needs of other people ... feelings are not taken into account either. An aggressive person is selfish and they don't care about stepping on others to achieve their goals.

Value your rights

If you want to be a more assertive person, you must have a good understanding of yourself and. Know that your value is important. You must value your whole person, as well as your values, time, effort ... increase confidence in yourself and thus you will be able to recognize that you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You will learn to defend your rights and protect them, being faithful to your values ​​and your principles, as well as to your wishes and needs.

Express your thoughts firmly

To express your thoughts firmly you do not need to do it aggressively. You don't have to wait for other people to say what you have in your head because then it might never happen. Start identifying the things you want now and then set your path to achieve them.

Once you know what you need, you can look up the words to be able to express it clearly and safely. Find a way to be able to make requests assertively with empathy and without sacrificing the needs of others. If you want others to help you, you will have to Ask for things without being aggressive because then you will only damage your relationship with others.

You cannot control others

Be aware that you cannot control others, neither their thoughts nor their actions. You also shouldn't make the mistake of accepting responsibility for the way people react to your assertiveness. If a person gets mad at you because you are acting assertively, don't react to them in the same way.

Remember that the only control you have is over yourself, so it is important that you do your best to stay calm and measure the things you say or do when things get tense with others. It is important that you be a respectful person and do not violate the needs of other people, because everyone has the right to say or do what you want.

Express yourself in a positive way

It's important to speak your mind, even when you have a difficult or negative problem to deal with. But when you say things you have to do it constructively and taking into account the thoughts of others. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and confront people who challenge you or try to violate your rights. You are a person and you have the right to be angry, you simply have to control your emotions and be respectful at all times both with yourself and with others.

Accept criticism from others

It is important that you are open to criticism from others, but also to compliments. Don't always expect compliments or criticism but it will really come because people like to have a say. In this sense, it is necessary to accept both negative and positive feedback and if it is negative, accept it in a positive and humble way.

If you do not agree with the criticism then you will have to say it but without ceasing to have empathy and without the need to get defensive and angry. Sometimes the opinions of others will help you make a significant change in yourself.

Learn to say "no"

It is not always easy to say "No", especially when you are not used to doing it or you think that other people will stop feeling good things for you ... actually, a person who really loves you will accept your "no" for an answer because every right to say no. You need to learn to say no if you want to be more assertive.

In order to learn to say "no" you must know your own limits and identify what you are willing to accept or not in your life. Remember that you cannot do everything or please everyone, but it is important that you protect your time and your life by saying "no" when you need it and looking for a solution that is beneficial for everyone, and not just for others.

Remember that it is very important that to be assertive before saying what you think you must take into account the feelings of the other person. You both have rights that must be respected, just as you want your rights to be respected, you must respect the rights of others. When you have to say something with assertiveness, do it in a way that you can control your emotions because only in that way you will be able to communicate things firmly without an overly intense emotional reaction throwing it all away.