Knowing how to say that by not setting limits towards other people without the need to harm them, only showing our refusal in the face of a situation or request is the basis of assertiveness and healthy interpersonal relationships.
Having good assertiveness is also necessary to have good self-esteem and prevent others from manipulating us. It is a way of being able to communicate with others in a healthy and giving value to your thoughts, your rights and to show others that your needs are just as important as others.
If you set limits you will know how to resolve conflicts effectively
When you know how to say no and you have assertiveness, you will be able to better resolve conflicts and negotiate the solutions you may have with other people. If this is not done you could fall into the manipulation of others and the problems getting bigger and bigger, making you feel even worse for not doing better.
The negative consequences of not knowing how to say no, of not setting limits when necessary, and ultimately, of not being an assertive person, will always bring serious problems to your life. For this reason, it is so important that you do your part and that assertiveness be a part of your personality starting today.
In case you do not work it well, you will continue with the problem of not knowing how to say no. It will be really difficult for you to deny others to their requests and say that it will not become a great personal work.
You will be able to access others even if their requests are contrary to your thoughts, principles, needs or desires. This happens because you will be afraid of the negative consequences of refusing to do something, even though you don't want to. But what's the worst that can happen if you refuse? It is important that you focus on yourself above all things.
The consequences of accepting what you really don't want to do are only problems that will cause you inside. You will feel guilty for doing things you don't want to and angry with yourself for agreeing to something you really didn't want to do.
Because if other people get angry or feel bad that you don't do something you don't want, it will mean that they do not respect you as a person and therefore, they need you to set limits so that it does not happen again.
The importance of knowing how to say no
As you are imagining saying that it is not very important since it is the fundamental basis of assertiveness and your self-esteem. It is essential to work on assertiveness and put limits saying no so that you realize that it will have benefits in your life.
Some of the benefits of knowing how to say no are:
- You avoid being manipulated. By setting limits on others and making it clear that there are things we won't do, they won't be able to manipulate or take advantage of you.
- You avoid resentment. You will be able to avoid the feeling that others do what they want with you, avoiding in the same way a feeling of resentment towards others and towards yourself for not having set limits.
- You have more personal security. When you are able to say no and set limits for other people, you will feel better about yourself. Your self-esteem will begin to grow and you will feel more confident with yourself.
- You make better decisions. Taking into account all the previous points, all this will mean that by having more confidence in yourself, you will be able to make better decisions, taking control of your life and knowing what you want and what you do not want in it.
- You avoid getting involved in things that do not concern you. By setting limits, you will be able to avoid getting involved in a situation that you might later regret. By saying that you will not be able to avoid interfering in situations that violate your principles, your thoughts or that generate great emotional discomfort.
- You avoid having a negative feeling towards yourself. You will be able to avoid having a negative feeling or image of yourself because you will learn to show others what you do accept and what you will not accept in any way, no matter how much they insist.
Don't be afraid to say no
To begin with, you must leave the fear of giving your refusal aside and forever. If you always give in to the requests of others, it will be too big an internal problem for you to endure that discomfort for a long time. You will have severe emotional consequences and this is best avoided at all costs.
You are not a bad person for refusing to do something you do not want, rather it is other people who do not take you into consideration when they ask you to do something you do not want to do. But what if they don't know you don't want to? that's when you must mark your limits clearly.
And remember, if a relationship with another person ends because you have not given in to their requests, then what is clear is that that person does not have to be in your life, it is better to move away and put emotional distance to avoid further manipulation by someone. who is unable to respect you.
Learn to say no assertively
To say no correctly, you must do it assertively. First you will have to identify in your mind those situations in which you said yes when you really wanted to say no. Also think about who you spend the most with and why. Think about the emotions you feel and what makes you accept requests that you do not want to accept. Is it really worth it?
Once you have thought of the situations in which it happens to you the most, then you will have to put the following tips into practice. First you will have to imagine the scene in your head and do it by envisioning yourself being assertive. So when you are given these situations again in real life, you will have more mental strategies to be able to carry out assertiveness and you will be able to say no with greater ease and self-confidence.
Keep in mind that your reasons for saying that they are not as valid and should be respected as much as the requests of others.
Practice in front of the mirror
In addition to imagining the situations in your mind, stand in front of the mirror and practice saying phrases like:
- I won't as it's none of my business
- Thanks for thinking of me for this, but I won't.
- I understand your concern but do not count on me for it
- I will not do it, but surely you can do it
Repeat phrases of this type visualizing different situations. The best thing is that you think of situations that have already happened to you and that you represent the phrases that you would have liked to say, to say them with confidence in the future!
Don't apologize for denying yourself something.
If you apologize for refusing something, it seems that refusing is a bad thing, and it isn't. At most you can say phrases like: "I'm sorry for you, but I won't." What matters is to say things calmly, safety and without any iota of guilt.
empathy is the key
Empathy is the key when you want to learn to say no, so you can listen to the other to understand what they want, but then use assertiveness to impose your needs and rights. You don't have to like others, nor do you need their approval. Use empathy but do not let yourself be manipulated by anyone.
You can say a resounding no without being aggressive. Just do it calmly and quietly.